Basic respect is too often MIA
The Southampton Town Board passed a resolution in which its five members pledged to be civil and respectful to one another. Credit: Randee Daddona
I was in the parking lot of a big box store a couple weeks ago loading my purchases when a large SUV came hurtling between the rows of cars. I winced as it passed uncomfortably close to an older man walking along the vehicles. As it neared me still traveling at the same speed, I mouthed the words "slow down." And the woman at the wheel responded with an angry two-word epithet that begins with the sixth letter of the alphabet.
There are many ways to catalog the loss of civility in modern culture. The lack of respect some people show for others in the basic transactions of life is one. Another is the resolution passed recently by the Southampton Town board in which its five members pledged to be civil and respectful to one another.
"We understand that a leader can be cooperative and conciliatory without compromising one's core principles, and we will remember that our political rivals are not our enemies, but rather our colleagues, friends, and neighbors," the resolution read.
It's a strong statement. Bravo for the board. But doesn't that go without saying? It's profoundly sad, while utterly understandable, that the board felt it needed to pass such a measure.
It's not as if humans have not long understood the importance of civility.
In his famous 1901 "speak softly and carry a big stick" speech, President Theodore Roosevelt said that if a man "lacks civility, a big stick will not save him from trouble ... I hope that we shall always strive to speak courteously and respectfully ..."
In his inaugural address in 1961, President John F. Kennedy argued that "civility is not a sign of weakness" and the late Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg often said that "you can disagree without being disagreeable."
Regular folks seem to implicitly understand the truth of the old political theory maxim that civility is a prerequisite for democracy. In a 2018 Quinnipiac University poll, 91% of registered voters agreed that a lack of civility in politics was a "serious problem." That same year, 68% in a Pew Research Center poll said it was "essential" for people in high political office to maintain a tone of civility and respect.
Modern political leaders, in fact, talk about civility all the time, even as they fail to practice it. Numerous jurisdictions and agencies around the country have passed pledges of civility, rules of decorum or codes of conduct. Some reportedly have had the desired effect during those bodies' meetings.
But it is dismaying that basic respect for one's fellow humans has to be legislated. I'm with the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle who believed that civility must be voluntary to be effective.
Southampton's board acted after the shooting death of conservative political activist Charlie Kirk, the latest incidence of violence stemming from the inability to respect someone with whom we disagree, to separate that person from the disagreement itself. Attack the argument, in other words, not the person.
Disrespect inhibits lawmaking; solving problems through fruitful negotiation between political parties requires respect for the other side. We've seen the fallout too many times, including in the current federal shutdown. Some polling has suggested the absence of such civility is one reason citizens have become disillusioned with government.
In explaining the nonviolence at the root of the March on Washington in 1963, the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. and other organizers wrote, "In a neighborhood there may be stunts, rough words, and even hot insults; but when a whole people speaks to its government, the dialogue and the action must be on a level reflecting the worth of that people and the responsibility of that government."
A responsibility that includes behaving with similar consideration.
Whether it's in a suburban parking lot or the halls of power, we need to get back to respecting each other again. The cost of failure will be high.
Columnist Michael Dobie's opinions are his own.
Michael Dobie is a retired member of the Newsday editorial board.
