Expressway: The idiocy of customer neglect

Here's a response that needs to be banned from U.S. commerce:

"Whatever we have is out."

It's the irksome answer to an innocent customer question such as: "Do you have this sweater in large?"

Usually the unhelpful answer comes from clerks determined to do as little as possible to serve customers.

"Whatever we have is out" is code for, "I have no idea. If you want to know, then I suggest you go look around."

When I asked a clerk at a Freeport garden store if it had any more of the delicious apples the nursery carries in the fall, her answer was, "Whatever we have is out." To find out I had to cross nearly the width of the store. Fortunately, I found what I was looking for.

But that's not answering a question. That's swatting away a customer.

I asked a young woman who works at an office-building cafeteria in Melville if she had any soup left. Making no effort to move from her cashier's perch, she said, "Whatever we have is out."

What a sorry refrain. Sad to say I have encountered it far too often on Long Island -- and sometimes to an extreme degree. After waiting politely and patiently by two sales clerks in a department store at Roosevelt Field in Garden City, I had to cut in on their conversation to ask for some help. I would have been better off moving on.

"Do you have any more of these red votive candleholders?" I asked.

You guessed it.

"Whatever we have is out," said one of the clerks, blithely gesturing somewhere. She quickly turned back to her colleague to resume their conversation.

What are all those storerooms in department stores for if all of the merchandise is out? Have the storerooms been converted to lunchrooms? Or do they use the open space for "Dancing With the Stars" tryouts?

And why is that answer so widespread here? Do many clerks go to the same non-service service classes where they are swatted on the hand for even thinking about helping a customer?

If I am in customer-service hell on Long Island, I am in customer-service heaven when I travel upstate. When I was in a mega department store and couldn't find a particular brand of refrigerator for my daughter's dorm room, I asked a clerk for help. To my surprise he said, "Let's look over here." And we found one.

Over and over again, when I asked clerks for something in stores upstate, they would respond similarly. Who trains them, and can we get those trainers to brave the rough-and-tumble world of customer service on Long Island?

I thought the idea in retailing was to make the sale, especially in this tough economic climate. That's difficult to do when you abandon customers, especially in cavernous stores. That's not customer service. That's benign neglect. And it has no business in business.

Reporter and columnist Carrie Mason-Draffen covers business for Newsday.