Filler: Growing up in our coarser world

Sometimes facts come to light that make us think, "Either the world is going to hell in a handbasket, or I've passed into that inevitable stage when everything I read makes me think the world is going to hell in a handbasket."

Of course, it could be both.

A study released this week by the American Association of University Women contains shocking numbers on sexual harassment of students in grades seven to 12, interspersed among some numbers that aren't so surprising to anyone who did time in the state-sponsored torture chambers known as "schools."

Almost half of these kids say they endured sexual harassment at school in the past year.

Some of what was reported doesn't seem to constitute an increase in bad behavior. The only way the incidence of boys hurling words like "homo" and "queer" could have increased since my days in school would be if young males now have two mouths, so the fact that 18 percent of boys reported being subjected to such slurs was pretty tame info.

But 46 percent of girls reported being subjected to unwelcome sexual comments, gestures or jokes. Even more alarming, 13 percent of girls reported being touched in an unwelcome way and 3.5 percent said they were forced to do something sexual. (These numbers were much lower for boys.)

That's grotesque, and I would say so even if I didn't have an absolute willingness to dispense a life-changing beating to anyone who harasses my 10-year-old daughter.

So what is going on, that such things could be going on?

First off, many of our kids are too sexualized -- most noticeably in how they dress, particularly girls.

Females have traditionally changed clothing styles as they age to communicate where they are in the circle of life. But a lot of young ladies now dress like strippers -- or at least like sophisticated, sexually active adults. Scads of girls once considered too young to go to the movies with a boy now adorn themselves with clothing that suggests they are headed out to the club to find a bed partner.

That doesn't justify their being sexually harassed -- nothing would -- but it does open a door that ought to remain firmly closed. If we don't want young girls perceived as sexually available, parents shouldn't let them wear clothing that says, "I'm sexually available." And parents need to tell boys, no means no.

Another cause of this problem is that kids, and people in general, aren't as polite as they ought to be, or used to be. Behind harassment is the idea that it's OK to be rude, whether sexually or not. We see this everywhere today, and we particularly see it in the young, many of whom are no longer taught to say "please" and "thank you" as toddlers and don't care about the feelings of others as adolescents.

There's also the fact that so much of this harassment is online, and thus, stings far more than verbal taunts. The harassee keeps reading the words again and again. The insults are visible to all the world.

So kids are insulted and groped. Their stomachs ache and they miss school because their environment, and their peers, have become so nasty.

This is solvable, or at least improvable. Girls shouldn't wear sexualized clothing until they're old enough that we approve of them having sex. Children should be taught to have a zero-tolerance policy to being harassed or seeing others mistreated, and to tell every adult they can find when it happens. We must teach kids that politeness is required, in person and on computer, and other people are as important as they are.

The thing about deciding the world is going to hell in a handbasket, once we reach adulthood, is that it's not enough to deplore it. We actually have to go ahead and stop it.

Lane Filler is a member of the Newsday editorial board.