Give me old things for the new year. Bring back paper maps and pay phones

Unlike many of my boomer brethren, I do not yearn for the good old days.

Instead, I embrace change and shed no tears for the disappearance of manual typewriters, four-barrel carburetors or Meister Brau beer. But there have been some extinctions for which there was no rhyme or reason, and whose losses, I believe, have diminished us in some way.

So, in the spirit of optimism and hope for the new year, I advocate a comeback of the following worthy staples of American life for 2023.

Maps in newspapers, I miss even more. A story about a bridge collapse in Moldova or a bumper crop of grapes in Azerbaijan has more meaning and relevance for the reader with an accompanying map, which used to be supplied in a box or in a side panel of the story, showing a country’s position on the globe and who its neighbors are.

Such maps have been eliminated to save space and cut costs. But what more valuable filler is there for a newspaper’s column inches than graphic orientation and enhancement of its content?

Granted, 1950s-era gumballs rotted your teeth. But bring them back with dentists’ recommended Orbit gum and restore an important fabric of American childhood.

Today’s “automatic climate control” function in modern vehicles never gets those features quite right. And the claim that it can accommodate differing preferences for the driver and passenger is a technological myth.

Again, I evoke my childhood, when my six brothers and sisters and I were mesmerized, watching from the inside of our station wagon, as the attendant sprayed the windshield and wiped back and forth, back and forth, until we could clearly see his smile.

The difference today, if their jobs were resurrected, would likely be the presence of a tip jar next to the pump. But at least gas station attendants, unlike a lot of store clerks or baristas, would deserve them.

Which is why I held off on getting a cellphone for the longest time, compelled finally to purchase one when the last of the pay phones disappeared, and I had no other choice for emergencies.

So, yes, I’d like to see pay phones and their accompanying Superman booths returned. But they should include a digital screen and the capability to text, in which case I would gleefully fling my cellphone into the Chicago River. Just kidding: I’ll recycle it at Best Buy.

But teaching students how to distinguish among logical arguments and fallacies, flimsy documents and reputable sources, facts versus “alternative facts,” or truth and lies, all by applying Aristotelian principles of logic and Modern Language Association rules for research and documentation — all these skills are needed more today than ever before.