Musings: Try compassion when anger fails
The concerns over a transgender student at Massapequa High School could have been handled better, a reader writes. Credit: Newsday/Alejandra Villa Loarca
As a retired teacher who once taught a student who was transitioning, I have followed with great interest the quarrels in Massapequa and elsewhere over the presence of a transgender student. It has not been a pleasant sight: The angry board meetings, the lawsuits, the yelling, the frayed relationships among friends, those who support the child, those who oppose the child being allowed in school because of religious reasons, and the arguments over which bathroom the child should use.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
Here is how our school handled the situation nearly 20 years ago:
I was teaching social studies on a seventh-grade team of 110 students and four teachers (social studies, science, math and English) at a Long Island middle school. One of our students, whom I’ll call “Kelly,” was transitioning from a boy to a girl. We met and devised a plan to make Kelly’s transition a comfortable one for the child and the students.
What we did, which seems to be lacking in Massapequa and elsewhere, is show compassion.
We met with Kelly’s parents to ask: What can we do to help Kelly? We brought in everyone who had contact with Kelly during the day — including the women who worked in the cafeteria, the security guard, the custodians — to see how we could help.
The school nurse met with our students to explain the procedure and what the surgery would be like for Kelly.
We gave Kelly a key to the faculty bathroom.
A notice was sent to the seventh-grade parents.
Guess how many angry calls we got? Zero.
How many times was Kelly picked on by her classmates? Zero.
Life went on . . . and today Kelly is doing fine, is in a loving relationship, and has a good job.
Kelly’s situation was handled with compassion and care. Take note, Massapequa parents and others.
— Saul Schachter, Sea Cliff
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