Musings: One volunteer's advice — would a friend want this?

Life has a way of leaving things behind. The baby outgrows the crib. Children leave home. Parents downsize. Someone dies. A garage finally gets cleaned out after 20 years.

Sooner or later, almost everything we own arrives with the same question: What do I do with this now? I volunteer at my local thrift shop at Glen and Carpenter avenues in Sea Cliff, so I get to see what happens next. Like many people, I assumed donating was simple. If I no longer needed something, chances were someone else could use it. I filled a few bags, dropped them off and thought I’d done something good.

Drive around Long Island and you’ll see clothing bins everywhere. Most are filled with clothes. But every now and then you’ll see a lovely Christmas wreath wedged into the opening in July, a dog bed, a laundry basket. They tell the same story: Someone needed to let go. They just didn’t know where it belonged.

Here’s what surprised me most: The thrift shop isn’t the charity. It’s what funds the charity. Every sweater sold, every set of dishes, every child’s bicycle helps support food pantries, outreach programs and neighbors who need a little help. The donated objects aren’t the mission. They’re the means.

This makes unusable donations especially heartbreaking. Not because people are careless. And usually not because they’re trying to pass off garbage. It’s because sometimes they’re not getting rid of an object. They’re saying goodbye to a chapter of their lives.

Sometimes it’s easier to put a worn stuffed animal or a stained blanket into a donation bag than into a trash can. Donation lets us believe the story might continue somewhere else. But some stories are over. A soaked comforter can’t be resold. Mold spreads. Broken appliances cost money to dispose of.

Every unusable donation takes time, labor and dollars away from helping people. Some things deserve a second life. Others have reached the end of theirs. Letting go isn’t always free. Sometimes selling takes time. Sometimes recycling takes research. Sometimes disposal costs money. That’s part of owning things.

Before you donate something, ask yourself one question: Would I hand this, exactly as it is, to someone I know? Because, in the end, that’s really what you’re doing.

— Connie Connors, Sea Cliff