Musings: The value — and danger — of our staying quiet

Every so often, silence becomes a news story. Last week, it was Dr. Anthony Fauci, who repeatedly invoked the Fifth Amendment during congressional testimony. Whatever your views on politics, it reminded us that sometimes what people don’t say attracts as much attention as what they do.

Silence has always fascinated us. Some people fill every pause with conversation. Others answer a question with a smile, a shrug and nothing more.

A friend once told me the secret to a long marriage was knowing when to keep quiet. His wife quickly corrected him: “No, the secret is knowing what to keep quiet about.” She probably won that discussion.

We tend to think of silence as either good or bad. In truth, it’s both. Silence can be wisdom. Most of us regret the angry words we blurt out far more than the ones we wisely leave unsaid. A brief pause before speaking has rescued friendships, business deals, family dinners. Listening remains one of life’s rarest skills; Everyone values it, yet few practice it. But silence also has a darker side.

It’s the compliment never given, the apology postponed, the thank-you left unsaid, the phone call we meant to make, or the simple question we never asked a struggling neighbor: “Can I help?” Sometimes silence protects relationships. Other times it quietly erodes them.

An old Jewish proverb says: “A wise person hears before speaking.” In an age of instant opinions and social media reactions, that’s timeless advice. There are moments when silence speaks more powerfully than words. Sitting beside someone in a hospital or attending a funeral reminds us that presence often matters more than eloquence.

Yet history teaches us that silence is not always a virtue. Progress often begins when ordinary people decide they can no longer remain quiet — standing up for someone being bullied, exposing wrongdoing, defending a friend or simply saying, “That’s not right.”

Knowing when to speak and when to remain silent may be one of life’s greatest forms of wisdom. While last week’s headlines focused on one person’s silence, the better question is: Where should we speak less, and where have we stayed silent too long? Someone today needs your listening. Someone else needs your voice. Wisdom is knowing the difference.

— Rabbi Anchelle Perl, Mineola