Britney Spears opens up about estrangement from sons

Pop star Britney Spears over the weekend responded to statements by her younger son in a British tabloid, in which he explained why he and his brother live with their father and have not seen their mother in months, including missing her June wedding.

"OK, so I woke up this morning and I honestly feel like I just have a lot to say and I have to share with you," the multiplatinum Grammy Award winner, 40, said Saturday in one of five Instagram audio posts on her since-deleted account. Noting that she does speak regularly with a therapist, she said that nonetheless, "It's really crucial for me to feel like I can share [with the public] and if it's the dumbest thing in the world [to] share on my Instagram my thoughts … so be it, because I honestly feel like it helps me."

Jayden Federline, 15, had told a British tabloid early this month that "it will take a lot of time and effort" to repair Spears' relationships with him and 16-year-old Preston, her sons with ex-husband Kevin Federline. "I 100 percent think this can be fixed," Jayden said. "It's just going to take a lot of time and effort. I just want her to get better mentally. When she gets better I really want to see her again." He added, addressing his mom, "I love you a lot. I hope for the best for you."

"I used to have my kids at one point way more than Kevin," Spears said in one of her posts Saturday, adding, "Since they've been gone, I've honestly felt like a huge part of me has died and literally I have no purpose anymore. They were my joy, they were my everything, I looked forward to seeing them. … And then all of a sudden, they were gone and I was like, 'Did my heart just stop beating?' And honestly, I don't understand how it's so easy for them just to cut me off like that."

Jayden in the newspaper had criticized Spears' often racy online photos "as almost like she has to post something on Instagram to get some attention." That prompted the singer to reply, "Yeah, I do want to be heard, and I'm angry, and I kind of subconsciously want to offend people because I've been so … offended. But I'm afraid to inform you guys I'm not willing to see you until I feel valued."

Toward the end of the last post, she concluded, "All I know is my love for my children is more than anything, and I'm sorry if I ever hurt you guys in any way. … Jayden and Preston, I adore you. I was told you guys have blocked me," she said, adding that regardless, "I'm so blessed to even call you mine."

In another post Sunday, picking up on threads from the day before about father Jamie Spears, who controlled the now-ended, nearly 14-year conservatorship over her life, the singer alleged an incident of evident gaslighting. "I really felt like my dad was trying to kill me and I hope he burns in … hell," she said.