'Duck Dynasty' returns big - but not BIIIG

Look who was wrong about the performance of  "Duck Dynasty's" fifth season return last night: Me! I confidently predicted that the series - bolstered by controversy, a suspension, a reverse-suspension, and a nation full of angry "Duck Dynastiacs" - would come back last night big big BIG.

 Instead, it just came back "big:" 8.5 million viewers, or down nearly 30 percent from last season's premiere. 

 (You'd actually be surprised - or not - how often I'm wrong - did you see my picks for the Golden Globes?) 

 So now we must go to theories behind doors no. 1., 2., and 3:

  We'll wait until next week's numbers to open a few more doors...