'The Howard Stern Show': 3 takeaways from the HBO premiere

"The Howard Stern Show" on HBO Max arrived at 3:01 Thursday morning. Here are three takeaways:

1. It's boring

I mean, really, what were we expecting? Strindberg? "The Howard Stern Show" is "The Howard Stern Show." TV, satellite radio, streaming — it doesn't matter what it rides in on. This show is what it is and has been (with obvious variations) for nearly half a century.

Over the 90 minutes of Thursday's first episode ("Can't Wait to See This on HBO"), we got talk — talk about Stern's summer, Gary Dell'Abate's summer, Robin Quivers' summer. (For the record, they had good summers.) There were long ruminations about Ozempic. There was even a little news (the Roosevelt-raised Stern will appear on ""Jimmy Kimmel Live!" when it gets to Brooklyn). And more news — Stern revealed that he pitched HBO on producing a movie, which admittedly, didn't sound like Kurosawa either (The elevator pitch: Howard saves a women during a terrorist attack, then makes love to her afterward; HBO "did not agree" to fund his idea, he reveals for the first time.)

Most of the gang was here, familiar voices all to fans, like producers J.D. Harmeyer, Samantha Fontana, Chris Wilding, Robert "Wolfie" Wolf, and so on. They all had lots to talk about, too. Ronnie "the Limo Driver" Mund called in, and he talked ... for how long? I don't actually remember. I lost track of time by this point — mind drifting, thinking about this weekend's weather, the Yanks' chances, the Jets' chances, anyone else's chances. Anything but the interminable discussion about the superhuman (and, frankly, disturbing) sex drive of Ronnie Mund, 76, which Stern called "amazing, a miracle." So, yes, this first episode was boring — insufferably, monumentally, incalculably boring. I mean, really: What were we expecting?

2. What was HBO expecting?

That seems to be the more pressing question here. Consider how the network pitched this to the gullible press — presumably with a straight face — in a Sept. 9 press release that read like it was announcing the sequel to "The Sopranos": "Each episode spotlights Stern’s boundary-pushing humor, social commentary, and intimate conversations — all with his iconic voice and unique perspective. Recognized as one of the best interviewers in the business, the series also features Howard’s in-depth, candid conversations with celebrities, musicians, and more ..." Oh well.

Stern did at least see the absurdity of the whole situation: "I can just picture these HBO executives now. 'I thought he did interviews.'" Then added, "I am so proud to be on HBO. I saw this as a window of opportunity." Late-night TV is failing, he said, because they never talk about this stuff (Ronnie Mund's sex life). "We're keeping it real." There were no interviews, by the way. Maybe next time.

3. This could actually work

"The Howard Stern Show" on HBO is essentially a simulcast (with minor edits) of "The Howard Stern Show" on Sirius XM — the new, once-a-week version that arrives every Monday. People who love Stern (and there are millions across the great republic) can now see him regularly on TV, or if they prefer, simply listen to him in the middle of the night (that is, early Thursday morning) with the picture off. TV, of course has been a huge part of the Stern canon — HowardTV on Demand back in the aughts, and most recently, the SiriusXM video app and YouTube — but this feels more like the old simulcasts from the terrestrial radio days before he joined Sirius XM in 2006. As bad a TV show as this may be, it certainly remains a listenable radio show for a certain type of fan — an obsessive, a hate watcher, a masochist. As Wile E. Coyote might put this, the king of all media is a supergenius indeed. .