It's Shark Week, old chums

 "Shark Week" kicks off with a look at how great whites are drifting closer to shores around the globe ("Great White Invasion"); that's followed at 10 p.m. by a documentary on shark taggers who track five whites up and down the Eastern Seaboard. "Rogue Sharks" (Monday, 9 p.m.) looks at notorious shark attacks; "Summer of the Shark" (10 p.m.) is about Aussie attacks. Examples of some other shows next week -- "How Sharks Hunt" (Wednesday), using nifty underwater cameras; and "Shark City" (Thursday), starring chief shark officer (that would be Samberg), who swims with the sharks in the Bahamas . . . and lives to joke about it.

MY SAY You don't get to be the longest-running event on cable TV by throwing gumballs on the wall to see which ones stick -- or, just to keep my shark analogies straight, by throwing chum in the waters and praying that millions of ravenous TV viewers will accumulate. In fact, 30 million -- that's right -- 30 million watched last year's "Shark Week," which means that if sharks had agents, they'd be getting paid at least as much as the cast of "Jersey Shore."

"Shark Week" was born in 1987, when Discovery, which launched in '85, needed something to pop summer ratings. Sharks! I mean, what else? A week devoted to mongoose programming? An even better idea was hatched in '94 -- celebrity hosts. What did Heidi Klum (2003 host) have to do with hammerheads? Who cares? She's Heidi Klum. The glory and genius of "Shark Week" programming lies in what I would like to dub "emotional dissonance." Consciously, these programs tell you there's nothing to worry about. Sharks are people, too. They're harmless, wonderful creatures, just trying to make an honest living. But subconsciously, it all says, "Do not venture in the water . . . or you will be lunch."

BOTTOM LINE Samberg should add the perfect touch of whimsy to an event that doesn't exactly scream "whimsical." But it is fun.

GRADE B+