What are these fall shows about anyway?

Monday

LONE STAR Monday, 9 p.m., Fox

Big love, from a cute young con man (achy newcomer James Wolk) who'd like to go straight but really loves both his poor oil-town wife (Eloise Mumford) and his rich Houston wife (Adrianne Palicki). Since daddy David Keith just loves money, he wants sonny to keep connin' in this slick Texas-shot soap from the "Party of Five" creators.

THE EVENT Monday, 9 p.m., NBC

Enough already with the "23 minutes ago" and "13 months earlier" time-jumps! If the action in this hopscotching political / fantasy / thriller could just stay put, it might be worth a shot, with stars like Jason Ritter, Laura Innes and Blair Underwood. But we're asked to follow people through time and space before we even know who they are. Sorry, we've been lost before.

MIKE & MOLLY Monday, 9:30 p.m., CBS

How adorable are Billy Gardell and Melissa McCarthy? Pretty adorable. How tired are the fat jokes? Pretty tired. Can the cute overweight couple overcome their obstacles? Unclear. At least this sitcom, stocked with pros like Swoosie Kurtz and Reno Wilson, fits comfortably into Monday's lineup.

HAWAII FIVE-0 Monday, 10 p.m., CBS

Book 'em for a while, but likely not another 12 seasons. Hawaii still looks fab (or is that groovy?), and the cast here is more diverse and compelling than the 1968-'80 hit dominated by Jack Lord's top cop. But the strength of Daniel Dae Kim, Grace Park and especially second banana Scott Caan only makes Alex O'Loughlin seem wimpy as iron lawman Steve McGarrett. Will fans care as long as the chases / explosions / gunplay keep on comin'?

CHASE Monday, 10 p.m., NBC

Oh, please. Another model-hot chick (Kelli Giddish) with fierce chopsocky skills takes down bad guys while trading clever lines with her Texas federal agent compatriots (Jesse Metcalfe, Amaury Nolasco, Cole Hauser). And she's got personal "issues" to face. Do they stamp out these concepts with cookie cutters?

Tuesday

NO ORDINARY FAMILY Sept. 28, 8 p.m., ABC

Michael Chiklis, Julie Benz and their two plugged-in teens barely talk until they all mysteriously acquire superpowers complicating their everyday lives. There's all-ages emotion and family-friendly action of the '80s kind ("The Greatest American Hero" anyone?). Maybe parents and kids can watch TV together again.

RAISING HOPE Tuesday, 9 p.m., Fox

Gosh durn it, that crazy trashy family's got a new member! Aimless son Lucas Neff tries to raise his accidental baby with help from his downscale folks (Martha Plimpton, Garret Dillahunt) and seriously loony grandma (Need we say it's Cloris Leachman?). Twisted comedy from the creator of "My Name Is Earl" pulls enough on the heartstrings to sell itself swell.

RUNNING WILDE Tuesday, 9:30 p.m., Fox

And then there's just weird for weird's sake. After making insane sense in "Arrested Development," Will Arnett goes pointlessly gonzo as a drearily self-involved heir trying to win the heart of Keri Russell's "lovably" loopy eco-activist (note quotes around "lovably") and her narrator daughter, Puddle (note daughter's name). Maybe Fox still has " 'Til Death" episodes laying around.

DETROIT 1-8-7 Tuesday, 10 p.m., ABC

1-der why ABC thinks this show is gr-8? (Sorry. Got nothing for 7.) The Michigan metropolis' death spiral makes for fascinating background, but what's in the foreground is the same old police procedural. At least it's filmed on location, and stars ex-"Soprano" Michael Imperioli.

Wednesday

UNDERCOVERS Wednesday, 8 p.m., NBC

Boy, those married spies are gorgeous. Such sleek banter. Such hot fighters. Such cool globetrotting - Paris, Moscow, Madrid. Their show's all over the place, too. But if producer J.J. Abrams keeps the cameras on gorgeous Boris Kodjoe and stunning Gugu Mbatha-Raw, maybe viewers won't notice the show itself is one nutty mutt.

BETTER WITH YOU Wednesday, 8:30 p.m., ABC

Big sister's careful, little sister's spontaneous. Their parents are bonkers. The siblings' significant others hold tight for the ride. And this adult sitcom eventually clicks. Jennifer Finnigan and JoAnna Garcia play their polarized life choices and rivalry / bond for emotional reality, not just cheap laughs.

HELLCATS Premiered Sept. 8, 9 p.m., CW

Sure, these competitive college cheerleaders are glee-ful. But Aly Michalka and Ashley Tisdale chew through to the meat of their culture clash as a bohemian law student and a dutiful achiever to explore bones of contention in athletics, ambition and identity struggles. Oh, yeah, and hot guys. And mean girls. All bases covered.

THE WHOLE TRUTH Wednesday, 10 p.m., ABC

Prosecutor Maura Tierney and defender Rob Morrow walk and talk through this highlights reel of a weekly case: arraignment, investigation, evidence of guilt, evidence of innocence, courtroom action, solution. They're good. The case might even be good. But, zip, another hour of your life consumed by another procedural.

THE DEFENDERS Wednesday, 10 p.m., CBS

No, this has nothing to do with the classic 1960s courtroom series of the same name. No, James Belushi and Jerry O'Connell do not seem like anything approaching actual lawyers. No, it doesn't make sense when they act wacky! Then warm! Then wise! No, TV had never remade "Vega$" glitz with lawyers replacing detectives. Now, it has.

LAW & ORDER: LOS ANGELES Sept. 29, 10 p.m., NBC

Why are you even reading this paragraph? No pilot episode was shot. It's "L&O," it's in L.A., the stars include Skeet Ulrich, Terrence Howard, Regina Hall and Alfred Molina. NBC thinks that's enough.

Thursday

MY GENERATION Thursday, 8 p.m., ABC

Tough premise, not great execution, but only a half-bad show. Late-20s ex-classmates flash back to their post-high school choices under the eyes of a cloying "documentary" crew. Those choices are of the kid-he-never-knew-he-had and shouldn't-have-married-for-money variety. Yet the fresh young cast delivers an appealing sincerity out of all the claptrap.

$#*! MY DAD SAYS Thursday, 8:30 p.m., CBS

Is it too late to order another season of "Boston Legal"? Maybe a "T.J. Hooker" update? Instead, William Shatner plays a crotchety father who says poopy words (remember, it's broadcast TV) to the adult son he barely knows who has just moved in. That's it. Really. Some guy made a zillion dollars off this Twitter feed idea. Really.

NIKITA Premiered Sept. 9, 9 p.m., CW

Oh, please. Another model-hot chick (Maggie Q) with fierce chopsocky skills takes down bad guys while trading wicked retorts with former colleagues at the evil-quasi-government-conspiratorial-secret-agency she used to work for after they stole her identity, killed the love of her life and forced her to assassinate people. But she's half-naked a lot, so enjoy!

OUTSOURCED Thursday, 9:30 p.m., NBC

Oy. Or whatever the locals in India say when something is stupefying. Ben Rappaport plays a corporate wonk sent to run his company's call center in South Asia, where the food is weird (ha ha!), and people act different (ha ha!), and they don't "get" American humor. Sometimes, I think I don't, either.

Friday

BODY OF PROOF TBA, 9 p.m., ABC

Dana Delany digs deep into the role of a hand-injured neurosurgeon reluctantly turned supersmart investigating coroner and superdumb mom and ex-wife. Yes, it's another workaholic-woman-with-no-life saga (yawn), but Delany's prickly vulnerability makes it worth watching.

BLUE BLOODS Friday, 10 p.m., CBS

How many cops in a New York Irish clan does it take to make a mediocre family police saga? Tom Selleck, Donnie Wahlberg and Len Cariou, plus some others, all arguing around the dinner table, going Jack Bauer on suspects, going undercover in secret societies, yada yada . . . melodrama stacked to the rafters.

OUTLAW Preview aired Sept. 15, 10 p.m., NBC

I didn't think I could go an entire hour with my mouth hanging open in stunned disbelief. I was wrong. Jimmy Smits stars as a ramblin'-gamblin' U.S. Supreme Court member, in serious hock to his bookie, who's so outraged by miscarriages of justice that he quits his trivial 1-of-9 bench gig to become a crusading defense attorney fighting for the underdog. (Whew, I'm thirsty.)

SCHOOL PRIDE Oct. 15, 8 p.m., NBC

"Curb Your Enthusiasm" co-star Cheryl Hines produces this extreme makeover: school edition. Celebs work alongside students, staff and families to improve local education. Sounds great. But NBC's community-based "Three Wishes" didn't draw crowds, which indicates viewers who demand "good" reality shows don't always follow through to watch.

SECRET MILLIONAIRE TBA, 8 p.m., ABC

Rich folks spend a week on the other side of the tracks to find folks worthy of philanthropic largesse. Though Fox's 2008 adaptation of this British format was a ratings laggard, ABC must sense fresh interest after CBS' sleeper hit "Undercover Boss."