Asking the clergy: Is it OK to forgive but not forget?
Pastor Charles Byer, Our Redeemer Lutheran Church, Aquebogue:
Yes, it is absolutely OK to forgive. As Christians, it is our responsibility and joy to practice forgiveness. In forgiving, we're practicing what Jesus did, still does and what he commands us to do. When it comes to forgetting, Jesus never commanded us to forget. It is impossible for us to forget. In the Bible, God says of himself "He removes our sins as far as the East is from the West and remembers them no more." God does and can forget when he forgives. We cannot forget. The second part to that is that the devil uses our memories . . . against us. When we remember an offense that was forgiven, it is usually the devil, or some spiritual enemy, causing us to do it. Only God can absolutely, positively forgive. We can't because we're sinners. We need to live in the forgiveness that we're offered. We have to ask God to help us not to hate or carry a grudge. That's where our relationship with God is so important, and we need to walk hand in hand with him.
Pastor Richard O. Hill, Hope Lutheran Church, Selden:
The answer to this question has to be: "It depends." After all, some sins are more painful than others and are harder to forget. Also, some sins are intentional and recur over and over, not allowing us to forget them. However, in many cases the "sinner" needing forgiveness may be only partly to blame for the problem. In other words, sometimes both parties need forgiveness. In such instances, I would hope that the act of forgiving includes a willingness to remember what was done so it might not be repeated. Hanging onto painful memories is not usually helpful to anyone. We need to allow healing to occur. In the long run, for forgiveness to be effective, it must lead to reconciliation and restoration of relationship. That's the meaning of the sacrifice Christ made for us on the cross.
The Rev. Johnny Erato, pastor, The nondenominationalApostolic Church of Jesus Christ, East Meadow:
There are many Bible verses which make it clear, imperative in fact, that we are to "forgive." This is not always easy, but it is necessary, and it is possible. I was not, however, able to find any verses regarding "forgetting." After much thought, I believe that it would not only be, in most cases, imprudent to "forget," but impossible as humans to forget. Thankfully, it is not impossible for God who has forgiven us, through Christ, as if our sins were never committed. The best we can hope to accomplish is to be able to treat people who sin against us as if they never had. This means not harboring feelings of revenge, bitterness, hatred, resentment and anger. Now, as far as "forgetting" being imprudent, "I can forgive a thief for stealing from me, but, in the future, I won't ask him to make my bank deposits!"
Rabbi Marc Gruber, Central Synagogue, Rockville Centre:
The easy answer is "of course not." Jews engage in a regular process call teshuva, repentance. It is best to repent as soon as one realizes his or her transgression, but just in case we tarry, Jews engage in a deliberate process of self-evaluation and setting relationships right every year as we approach and during our High Holiday Days of Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. Repentance proceeds in the following manner. First, we recognize our error. We then seek to undo the damage we inflicted on another. After making our best efforts to alleviate the hurt we caused, we may ask the other for forgiveness. We may then pray to God for divine forgiveness. Lastly, when we are faced with similar circumstances to the situation when we committed the wrong, we behave righteously.
In the big scheme of things, we cannot gain forgiveness from a third party even if the third party is God. We must make things right with the one we hurt. For some crimes, for example in the extreme, murder, full forgiveness is not possible because the dead victim cannot grant a pardon. In Leviticus 19, we are taught to love one's neighbor as oneself. We do not love our neighbor more than ourselves, just the same as ourselves. When we fail to remember, even though we have forgiven, we can put ourselves into vulnerable circumstances wherein we can be hurt all over again. This is not necessary. When someone violates our trust, a pardon does not instantly reestablish the old relationship.
