Asking the Clergy: What if grandparents disagree with how parents are raising the children spiritually?

Marc Hensen, chairman, Baha'is of Smithtown:

The right of parents to raise their children by whatever spiritual path or nonspiritual path they may choose is a most fundamental one that should not be interfered with. While relatives are free to give advice and share their opinions, how the parents ultimately choose to spiritually raise their children needs to be respected. No pressure should be exerted on the parents to change.

While Baha'i grandparents would hope that the parents will raise their children with a spiritual education, should they chose not to, this will be respected.

Jim Rose, board member and Tristate regional coordinator, Science of Spirituality Meditation Center, Amityville:

For those of us on our spiritual path, our primary purpose is to work on our own spiritual development, not others'. What our spiritual role is with regard to our children and our children's children differs.

With the children, we're their guardians. We're responsible to provide a moral, ethical or spiritual framework. That is one of our jobs as parents. When you get to your grandchildren, you should relinquish that primary role. That doesn't mean you can't play a role or have some influence.

First, as much as possible, be present in the lives of your grandchildren. In being present, we absolutely serve as a role model for the grandchildren in the way we live our lives. If you pray, you should let them know you pray. If you read scripture, let them know you read scripture. If you attend services, and if it is OK with the parents, invite them to attend worship with you. If they are attending another place of worship, go with them. Don't challenge or contrast, just celebrate. If they pray, pray with them, if they want you to. In our particular path, we meditate. We explain what meditation is and ask them if they wish to participate.

Lastly, love them with all your heart and let them know that what they're experiencing in your love is God's love.

Diane Dunne, pastor, Hope for the Future Ministries, Farmingdale:

Ultimately, God gives the parents the responsibility for those kids. If the parents aren't listening, the best thing for the grandparents to do is to pray. And it doesn't always have to be the grandparents who are right. What if the grandparents are Satanists and the parents are righteous people? It still is up to the parents to make the decisions.

There also is the matter of respect. Everyone has a right to his or her opinion, but you must respect each other in this process.The grandparents can attempt to lead by example. The grandparents definitely should look at their actions. Are their actions reflecting their faith? If the grandparents are living a good life, the grandchildren will see the difference that makes.

Pastor Jerry O'Sullivan, campus pastor, Shelter Rock Church in Syosset:

The Scriptures are very clear in Genesis 2:24 that when a man and woman get married, they leave the relationship of their parents behind to focus on being one flesh with their spouse.

One of the fastest ways I have seen strife and difficulty come into a marriage is when a husband or wife takes the advice, faith or sides of his or her parents, usurping the wishes of their spouse.

The role of a grandparent is to offer advice and wisdom but ultimately support the decisions and wishes of the parents, especially when it comes to matters of spirituality.

Parents and grandparents need to seek unity and compromise, working together to give the next generation a living faith and belief in God.