Asking the clergy: What's Dad's role in the family's religious development?

The Rev. Robert Gunn, United Church of Christ of Rockville Centre:

How many times did my father say to me, "Do as I say, not as I do"? He wanted me to follow some ideal that was better, he thought, than what he saw himself as being. The problem is, it's nearly impossible for a child to do differently from what she or he directly experiences. Some 50 years later, I find myself repeating some of the same stupid patterns my father had, despite both his admonition and my intention.

Fathers model how to live by how they live and by how they treat their children. The idea of a father dropping his children off for church school so he can go home or to the golf course is a teaching in how really irrelevant he considers religion to be. We cannot help but teach our children what we actually believe as shown by the way we live.

The Bible says, "The sins of the father are visited on the children unto the seventh generation." This is a law of life, like gravity. It can only be changed by a parent's commitment to his or her own personal change, not by anything he or she says.

You want to be a good father? Be the father you wish you had. And if you don't know how to do that, ask for help.

Father Luke Melackrinos, The Greek Orthodox Cathedral of St. Paul, Hempstead:

Sociologists have proven in several studies that if a father is living an authentic spiritual life, the likelihood of his children being faithful increases dramatically. Many times, the temptation is to have the mother be the "religious parent" in the family. But fathers shirk a major responsibility by ignoring their importance in their children's spiritual development. In our modern culture, where the message is blatantly materialistic and self-centered, children need their fathers to offer a better example of a fulfilled life that cannot be bought in any store. In the orthodox tradition, parenting is considered an ascetic practice, that is, an expression of self-sacrifice. God gave us our children not only as a blessing, but as a means of achieving our salvation through emulation of Christ's life of service to others. Being a true father is to set aside selfish desires and ego and strive to emulate our heavenly Father. This Father's Day, let us not worry so much about barbecues and sporting events, but recommit to our real fatherly duties.

Pastor Albert Triolo, Evangelical Lutheran Church of Our Saviour, Mineola:

While various faiths and denominations within the Christian church will say that mother or father has a dominant role in the faith formation of their children, some will even say that the father or mother is the spiritual leader of the household. I believe the role belongs to each equally and that the answer to the question is very simple: A parent's role in faith development is to lead by example.

What does this look like? Active participation in worship, prayer and study of the scriptures (both on their own and within a group setting). Service within the religious organization and service to neighbors (all people) through word and deed.

While some of these will need to be done by the parents without their children (we all need "adult time"), the children can be and should be as much a part of the faith life of the parents as possible.

The Rev. Mary Chang, Lutheran Church of the Incarnation, Cedarhurst:

What is your relationship with your father? It is the sweetness of closeness, or is it the bitter distance of coldness? Actually, your relationship is based on what has been your experience during your upbringing.

The relationship of fatherhood to religion is important, because it is set up as a model for the structure of the smallest unit of the society - community - and also has an impact on our nation. A father's attitude toward faith in God is the life imprint for his children's faith. For instance, when he goes to church to worship God, or diligently studies the word of God, or works to serve others. His fidelity to duty/jobs is observed by all our children and shapes them for their adulthood.