How seniors without children can build safety nets

Aging without children or grandchildren is becoming an increasingly common scenario for many older couples and singles. This growing trend may continue; data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention from 2021 show that the birthrate rose only once in the previous seven years.  

Along with the increase in people choosing not to have kids, other circumstances lead to childlessness, such as infertility or the death of a child.

The rising cost of raising children and inadequate support for working parents are often cited as reasons more people decide not to have children, according to Heeju Sohn, assistant professor of sociology at Emory University.

Adults without the built-in safety net for support may struggle in situations where it’s assumed they have familial help, she said. For example, health care providers may assume there’s someone to transport patients home or care for them after surgery. This is just one of many ways that society is built around a “modal” family structure, or “married households with children,” said Sohn, who studies demographics.

Expected family structure

Many common societal practices and policies “tap into the resources of adult children as the safety net. The problem is that people without adult children — whether they never had children, are estranged from their children, or have lost their children to mortality — are left to navigate difficult periods with a weaker safety net,” Sohn said.

The good news for older adults without kids and grandkids is that they can reap rewarding health and wellness benefits from a strong social network and support system, which may be more important than having children.

“The impact of having children on health and well-being in later life is mixed and generally not as strong as being in a partnership or having a solid support network of friends,” Sohn said. “Furthermore, the relationship quality with adult children matters more than having surviving children. Parents who lived apart from their children … (or who) are not on good term are at greater risk of having a limited relationship with their children. A robust friend network and engagement with the community have been shown to improve physical activity, mental health, and well-being” of older adults.

Racial disparities

Sohn said that racial disparities also exist, causing some additional challenges for older adult people of color who are aging without children or grandchildren.

“Marriage, divorce, fertility and mortality shape the kin network ... and differences in these demographic rates by race portend diverging kin networks 20-40 years into the future. Aging Black adults are more likely to live without a spouse or have deceased adult children than aging white adults,” Sohn said.

Deborah J. Cohan, professor of sociology at the University of South Carolina Beaufort, said, “People [think] that ‘the kids will take care of me in my old age.’ Of course, this presumes a lot of things, including a mutually happy relationship, geographical proximity, financial resources, time flexibility, an adult child’s career and family life that makes this possible, etc.,” Cohan said.

And for some, children are just not part of the picture. 

John-Manuel Andriote, 64, enjoys his life without a child in Brookhaven, Georgia, a suburb of Atlanta.

“When I was much younger, in my twenties, I was sure I wanted to have children," said John-Manuel Andriote, 64. "But after I came out and accepted that I am gay, like most gay men of my generation, I also accepted that this meant I would not have children,” he said.

“This has been fine with me because, especially in my younger years as I built my career, I often didn’t earn a great deal of money. Not having a family to support gave me the freedom to make choices for my career.”

Andriote moved to the Atlanta area last year in part to be near siblings living here, and he has enjoyed reconnecting with them as adults.

“The move has given us an amazing opportunity to really become close. We do lots of fun ‘family’ things together," he said. 

“My advice to other childless adults would be to enjoy as close relationships as possible with family — siblings and their kids/grandkids, other relatives — and to cultivate friendships and social connections with others who are also single and childless,” he said.

He also suggested volunteering and mentoring young people. “That is an incredibly valuable means for warding off a sense of loneliness, isolation, and ‘obsolescence,’” he said.

Tips for independent living    

Nicki Nance, a psychotherapist and associate professor of psychology and human services at Beacon College in Leesburg, Florida, offers the following tips for older adults for aging independently and staying engaged.

•Don’t completely retire. If you love your work, stay involved.

•Walk your dog where others walk theirs. They are great conversation starters.

•Volunteer. Websites such as volunteermatch.org and findhelp.org can lead you to services in your community.

•Check your area for retirement communities. Even if you don’t live there, you might be able to participate in their events.

•Travel with a tour group. You can be as connected or independent as you choose on many tours.

•Use social media to connect virtually with others and make plans.

•Use the public library. With the increase in electronic books, libraries are staying afloat by becoming community hubs where support groups and classes meet.

•Make your home safe and accessible. Declutter, and install lighting and safety features. Get support at aginginplace.org.

•Leave your legacy by teaching others what you know, giving gifts to individuals or charities, writing your memoirs, and preparing your will. Completing the Five Wishes form from fivewishes.org assures that you are comfortable in your final days.