Conservative wife controls husband's movie choices

DEAR AMY: I'm at a loss on how to move forward with my wife (it is a second marriage for us both). She's a far more conservative Christian than I am and objects to any type of nudity in movies. I tell her that before we met I didn't seek it out -- or avoid it -- but sometimes otherwise good movies have nudity in them. For the past five years I haven't watched a movie with nudity, but we still argue about it regularly. She says she can't trust me because of my views, which spirals into all sorts of other problems. I explain that I think what I think, and we've discussed it and I've agreed to not watch any movies that she finds objectionable. I know she carries baggage from her first husband. She discovered a few skeletons in his closet after his death. I'm trying to be understanding, but years of my wife saying she doesn't trust me are starting to wear me down.

-- Stumped

DEAR STUMPED: I'm assuming that you two are tussling over R-rated movies (and not pornography). Simply put, if your wife doesn't like movies with nudity in them, then she shouldn't watch them.

Successful couples tend to have similar values, but seldom agree on every single thing.

After establishing that you two don't quite agree about nudity in movies, she is now controlling you, policing you and arguing about this regularly.

This is not about movies. This is about trust. Your wife is making you pay for her late husband's actions. Given her history this is not that surprising, but it undermines your own marriage. Accusing a trustworthy person of wrongdoing is unfair.

Your wife's control and your acquiescence are troubling. Even when you do what she says, she ups the ante and other problems surface.

This problem will not go away. It will migrate into other areas of your life. You two need counseling; she must find a way to close the door on the hurt from her previous marriage in order to start fresh with you.