Dad fears being overlooked at daughter's wedding

DEAR AMY: My ex and I divorced many years ago. She married a man who helped raise my two young daughters. My older daughter, who graduated from college in March, has informed me that she and her fiance will be marrying next summer. I have yet to ask her about her wedding and what type of ceremony she will have, but she has not asked me to "walk her down the aisle." It may be premature to make any assumptions, but I get the feeling that she is going to have her stepfather give her away. Granted -- it is her day. I keep telling myself this and I try not to feel any pain, but I have to admit I am bothered and will definitely feel uncomfortable being at the ceremony. Besides my two daughters, there will be no one else in attendance with whom I am social or wish to be with. If I do attend the ceremony, it may be best to pass on the reception. Or will it? Please share your thoughts and guidance.

-- Upset Dad

DEAR DAD: You are making all sorts of assumptions before you know what your daughter's choice will be. I suggest you ask her an open-ended question: "What kind of wedding are you having, and how can I help?" She may make an increasingly popular choice to ask both you and her stepfather to accompany her down the aisle. Would you be willing to do this? This challenging situation calls for you to display loving courtesy and grace, regardless of her choice. You will feel better if you rise to the occasion, and I hope you try.

DEAR AMY: I'd like to offer advice to "A," whose insecure boyfriend continually said he's sorry for being a bad boyfriend and that he has trust issues. Run. Run now, run far. He's not going to get better. If you stay, you'll end up like my best friend -- married 33 years and stuck with a depressing, always-apologizing husband who is a drain on her soul. Don't do it.

-- C

DEAR C: "A" should be aware of this worst-case scenario if she decides to stay.