Friend dismisses advice on cheating husband

DEAR AMY: A very good friend of mine recently celebrated her two-year wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, this joyous event was marred by the discovery that her husband had cheated on her -- for the third time. The first time he cheated was several months into their relationship. The second time was a week before their wedding. After that, she promised she would never take him back if he did it again. Now, after this third round of cheating, she says that he's "changed" and that things will be different. She says his cheating was partially her fault. When I confronted her about her taking him back, she became angry at me and implied that I couldn't possibly know anything about it since I have never been married. I think she feels this disqualifies me from giving her any advice on life at all. I feel like her reluctance to let go and the fact that she's allowing herself to be manipulated by this man are due to her being afraid that she won't be able to find anyone else to love her. What should I do? Should I stand by her even though I can't stand the thought of her staying with him? Should I confront her fully and risk her never speaking to me again?

-- Frustrated Friend

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Here's what disqualifies you from offering marriage advice to your friend: She hasn't asked you. The only thing you are in charge of in this scenario is your side of the friendship. If your friend is a broken record about her broken marriage, you can offer: "I'm so sorry you're so unhappy. It makes me incredibly sad. We don't seem to get anywhere when we talk about this, so unless you have a question for me, maybe we should talk about something else." You should assume that your friend will continue on this path (of tolerating and excusing her husband's infidelity) until she finds it too uncomfortable to maintain. Then she may come to you for advice -- and you should offer it.