Mom worried about son's unhealthy habits

DEAR AMY: Our son is in his late 20s. He is a successful professional. He is brilliant, good-looking, witty and admired by all. The problem is, he is about 20 pounds overweight and has not visited a doctor for a physical in over two years. He has not seen a dentist, dermatologist or ophthalmologist! His last physical showed that his cholesterol is high. With a family history of diabetes and heart problems, my husband and I are very concerned. He loves to travel, eats out frequently at any well-rated restaurant he can find and usually eats the most unhealthy item on the menu. We are a close family but I do not seem to be able to discuss this issue with an otherwise rational individual because he refuses to discuss the matter. Perhaps it is time to back off and let him live his life as he pleases, hoping for the best?

-- Concerned

DEAR CONCERNED: How do you know your adult son has not visited a doctor, dentist, dermatologist or ophthalmologist in the past two years? He is an adult. His medical records are not available to you, and you say he refuses to discuss the matter. Your son can research any medical topic that worries him and make rational choices regarding his body -- including whatever fatty foods he chooses to put into it.

You took good care of your son when he was growing up -- and now you should assume he can take care of himself. Even if he can't -- or won't -- "backing off and hoping for the best" is your job from here on out.

DEAR AMY: Bravo to your answer to "Annoyed Future Daughter-in-Law," the young mom whose soon-to-be mother-in-law called her son at least once a day. It is important that a couple establish strong boundaries. One simple rule is "no calls during dinner." Our kids were raised with this rule -- and it applies to everyone in the family.

-- A Reader

DEAR READER: Because this older woman was intrusive and gossipy, "Annoyed" and her fiance have their work cut out for them.