New marriage already in trouble

DEAR AMY: I have been married to my husband for less than a year. Sadly, I feel he has misrepresented himself and this marriage is not at all what I had envisioned. We are both older, career-oriented, and this is a first marriage for both of us. Shortly after we tied the knot, he began to be unhappy and can't seem to handle day-to-day obstacles and life together. This is odd to me as we lived together before we were married. After marriage he began making hurtful comments threatening divorce. Recently he said that our marriage was a mistake. However, the next day he was fine, and I'm supposed to forget what was said the day before -- until he finds something else that's wrong. He will remain cold for days on end and nag me until I'm exhausted mentally. When he is angry he says he is not sure he loves me. I ask him to apologize -- and he laughs in my face. When he breaks me down with talk of divorce I call him on it and ask him to see a lawyer. He has yet to do so. Can you help explain what is going on? Is the marriage doomed? I'm growing resentful.

-- Sad

DEAR SAD: You're growing resentful? I'd say resentful has already left the station. Next stop: Rage.

Don't wait for him to wear you down and then act on his own behalf. Give him a choice: marriage counseling or a lawyer. Regardless of what he chooses, you should see a counselor and a lawyer. Your passivity makes you very vulnerable.

DEAR AMY: I appreciated your compassionate and practical advice to the letter signed "Fed Up" written by a woman who wanted to give away two cats, but she mentioned putting an ad for them on Craigslist. No one should ever post an ad for an animal on Craigslist. A no-kill shelter is the best choice.

-- Animal Lover

DEAR LOVER: Oh yes, I agree. I don't think the writer was actually going to do this, but more expressing her exasperation. I urged her to keep the cats and I hope she does.