Sexually active teens terrify parents

DEAR AMY: A few weeks ago, I was printing an email from my daughter's account. Her email account stayed open after signing off. Boy, did I get an eyeful! It appears my 16-year-old daughter and her 17-year-old boyfriend have been contemplating sex and have already gone to the heavy petting/foreplay stage. There must have been more than 1,000 emails of detailed touching and adult sexual language. Both kids have had "the talk" with their parents, and we all thought abstinence was not an issue. I have had numerous talks with my daughter about sex, relationships and consequences. Both kids want to go to college and have goals in life. The boyfriend is the nicest, most respectful boy you would want your daughter to date. Teenage hormones got the best of both of them. If any of the other parents find out, their relationship is over. To make a long story short, I told them I read every single email. They have been warned, talked to about consequences again, and strict rules have been put in place, such as no "alone time" together. Am I silly to think I can keep them in check, and should I keep their secret?

-- Burdened

DEAR BURDENED: If you seriously believe this couple will abstain from sex because you say so, then you might want to get started decorating the baby's nursery.

Keeping these two apart is completely unrealistic. In addition to your wise counsel about consequences, they should also be told that if they have sex, they must use contraception.

You tell them: "You both know that we do not want you to have sex because you are too young. However, we cannot police you every second you are together. We love and care about you both. If you love and care about each other, you will take care of your health and protect your own plans by exercising good judgment and using birth control if you have sex. It is a huge responsibility -- and it is your responsibility, not ours."