Woman struggles with long-held grudge

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I have a healthy relationship. However, there was an incident when we first started dating that I haven't been able to forgive. A long-term female friend of his sent him a picture of her wearing sexy underwear. I found it on his email a few months later. When I confronted him, I could tell he had forgotten about it. He admitted it was wrong and apologized. I was hurt and all of a sudden I felt like I wasn't good enough for him. He told his friend not to send pictures and not talk to him inappropriately. As far as I know, things have been platonic since then. Two years later, we are extremely happy; we have moved to another city together and are very much integrated into each other's lives. However, I still cannot get over what he did. Nothing like that has happened since, but every three to six months I get upset and bring it up. Now, the girl and her boyfriend are moving to our city. My boyfriend wants all four of us to hang out. I don't like or trust her, but they are old friends. Would it be wrong to ask him not to spend time alone with her right away? Do you have any suggestions on how I can put this behind me and forgive him?

-- Wanting to Forgive

DEAR WANTING: Why are you punishing your boyfriend? Did he ask his friend for this photo? Did he ask her for more? No. According to you, he asked her to stop and she did. You sign your letter "wanting to forgive." Well, if you want to forgive, then you should forgive. What's stopping you? I can imagine that you don't trust her. But why don't you trust him? Everything you say about his behavior seems to have been appropriate. Stop dredging this up.

If you don't trust this female friend, it's wisest to spend enough time with her to feel her out. She may have changed. You may end up liking her.

You should be open to a friendship with this couple -- and don't imagine or inflate problems until you have them.