Woman unhappy physical relationship has fizzled
DEAR AMY: I met my boyfriend in my first year of college. No other man had ever treated me with such respect. At first our physical relationship was great! We've been in a monogamous relationship for five years. We own a home together and for the most part get along great. Unfortunately I am sexually unsatisfied. I try to initiate sex regularly, but nine times out of 10, he pushes me away. The sexual side of our relationship has fizzled out and it's affecting other aspects of our relationship. We've talked about it many times and he swears it has nothing to do with me. He says he's happy in our relationship, but he's just not into sex. I occasionally catch him [watching] online porn after I've gone to bed. I've asked him what I can do to make him attracted to me like he is to the women in the videos. He says I should dress up in lingerie. I've done this, but it's actually made it worse, because when I do and he still rejects me, it really hurts. We are both in our late 20s. I am not satisfied with having sex once a month, but he is! Does every physical relationship fizzle out like this? I feel like I can't be my best self when I'm holding in all this anger. What should I do?
-- Lonely Partner
DEAR LONELY: Let's refresh. Your guy is not into sex, except when he's alone with his laptop -- and then he is.
He claims his lack of interest has nothing to do with you, except it would be great if you dressed more like a porn star. You comply and he rejects you.
Sexual relationships are bound to fizzle if one partner finds a sexual outlet that interferes with the connection between the couple. Perhaps your guy would be willing to share his porn with you so you could (at least) have parallel pleasures.
You seem to be making all of the effort to have an experience with him that he does not want to have with you. Sexual relationships are not universally destined to fizzle. It doesn't have to be this way. A relationship counselor would help, but if he won't make any effort, things will not improve.
