Woman upset over late mother-in-law's belongings

DEAR AMY: My husband and I were the primary caregivers for my mother-in-law. His sister moved out of state and came for visits during the summer and the holidays, but would not help with her mother's care. We were the ones who fielded emergency calls and saw to her needs. I did the cleaning, laundry and grocery shopping. I would help her bathe. After my mother-in-law passed away and it was time to empty her house, I told my husband there were a few kitchen items that I would like to have. I put four items I wanted onto the kitchen counter. My sister-in-law showed up, took one look and said, "Those are mine," and took them! I looked at my husband and he said, "Don't say anything." He doesn't like confrontation, and I am the type of person who would rather say something and clear the air. Now he gets upset when I don't want to see, talk or have anything to do with his sister. I told him that I feel that it was a slap in the face to me that she took these kitchen items I wanted and he stayed silent. I feel I am justified to feel this way, and my husband says to let it go. Am I wrong?

-- Angry

DEAR ANGRY: You get to feel however you feel. However, at some point, you should work on resolving your feelings in order to move forward and not stay in this angry and bitter place.

You and your husband are both right. Given his nonconfrontational temperament, it was unrealistic for you to expect him to speak up during this stressful moment.

You say you are someone who likes to clear the air, and so it is your job -- not his -- to clear it. You should convey to your sister-in-law, "I was very disappointed in your behavior after your mother's death. She meant a lot to me, and I was a devoted caregiver to her. I don't think it was too much to ask to take a few kitchen items as keepsakes. I'm upset at your choice to take these things." After expressing yourself, you should do exactly as your husband suggests, regardless of her response.