Handing over the keys: How to help a loved one cope
Turning over the car keys would disrupt any adult's life and independence. Don't downplay it. Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto
When drivers reach the point where they’re no longer able to safely operate a motor vehicle, the license can become a source of struggle — a situation in which others underestimate just how much a driver’s license can mean.
“The only thing we have that connects us to the outside world is the car in many situations,” said Phyllis Wright, an adult gerontology nurse practitioner and associate professor at Emory University.
“So much is attached to the autonomy granted by an automobile. Older people don’t want to be a burden to their kids." And public transportation can seem inadequate and difficult to access.
If you’re the one in a position of convincing a loved one that it’s time to stop driving, you may be contending with grief and a seemingly unreasonable resistance.
“It’s going to be a loss,” Wright said. “But there are ways to make it so that loss is not so overwhelming.”
Here are tips from Wright and others on making the transition with the least stress.
A 2016 Consumer Reports survey of 4,543 drivers age 65 and older showed you can’t rely on older drivers to police themselves. Of the drivers surveyed, 9% said they’re not likely to stop driving if they sensed they were endangering themselves or others. And 16% said they’re unlikely to hang up their keys even after “having too many accidents or close calls.”
A trusted doctor’s judgment, though, could persuade 56% of the respondents to stop driving.
Whether it’s your mate with whom you share a household or a faraway parent or sibling, remember that becoming a nondriver is a process, not a single action, according to Wright.
“It’s time-consuming to do it right, but time is the most valuable thing we can offer our loved ones. You need to start slowly, drop hints, [and] prepare before something life-threatening occurs,” she said. “Do that, and you have a partnership.”
