What a Newsday food critic would order: Our top 10 menu hacks

As Newsday's food critics, we eat out nearly every day of the week, and over the years, we've developed strategies that help determine whether a restaurant is worth its salt. When we sit down to look at the menu, there's a good chance we'll be ordering one of these "go-to" dishes ... just to see how they measure up. 

Mexican restaurant: Enchiladas

We don't want to give you the impression that we're going to every Mexican restaurant and ordering enchiladas, because as we know, Mexico has an incredibly diverse cuisine. But since most sit-down spots have pretty similar menus, a go-to backup dish is enchiladas because you can tell whether a chef understands Mexican flavors by how they do the sauce. Is there depth, balance, or does it taste like it's from a can? Also, the sauce has the added benefit of obscuring the mediocre mass-produced tortillas, which doesn't tell you much, but at least it tastes good. 

Pizzeria: Margherita pie

The Margherita’s simplicity allows us to assess a pie’s essence without any distraction from extraneous toppings. First and foremost, is the crust delicious on its own with the well-developed, wheaten taste of great bread? Is it serving only as a pale, doughy conveyance or does it have structure and good color? Are the crushed tomatoes sweet and fresh tasting? Is the cheese (only fresh mozzarella need apply) pliant and tender? Are these two toppings deployed with restraint? Do they work in harmony? And are they adhering to the crust or are they forming their own contingent with plans to slide off into your lap? If the Margherita is great, chances are the other pizzas will be too. But none of them will be better.

Greek restaurant: Romaine salad and grilled fish

In a Greek restaurant, we are impressed by the presence of two dishes that aren’t on every menu: loukaniko (a rustic sausage flavored with fennel and orange peel) and fava (a spread made not from fava beans but with yellow split peas). But regardless of whether we find them, a first visit will always include ordering the maroulosalata, a salad of romaine, scallions and dill. It should be clean, bright and dressed with an olive oil that we can perceive. Then it’s time for a grilled whole fish — we'll peruse the display for what looks best but never branzino — which will be judged on freshness and how well it was cooked: flaky but moist, charred but not burned.

Bagel shop: Everything bagel with lox and all the fixings

 Some of us think of bagels like coffee ... we do not often deviate from the routine. But really, there are little details you can glean from the seasoning, like are the seeds fresh? Do they give you caraway? How generous are they with it? There are people who might say bagels should be judged on their own merit, but we also think it's important to judge the lox. Is it sliced thinly and is it supple and delicious? Or does it taste like the lox in any other state? Fish it up! 

Regional Italian restaurant: Pasta and vegetables

We've got an arsenal of test dishes to assess regional Italian restaurants. If the menu skews Roman, we're looking for a carbonara that displays the porky funk of guanciale and the heat of what in another dish would be an excessive amount of black pepper, all suspended in a creamy (but cream-free!) veil of eggs and aged pecorino that clings to the pasta and leaves no puddle in the bowl. A Bolognese restaurant should be serving a lasagna made with thin, fresh egg noodles; a meat sauce containing little tomato; bechamel with a hint of nutmeg and lots of Parmigiano-Reggiano (and no ricotta or mozzarella). No matter the region, If a restaurant has ambitions to identify as Italian rather than Italian American, it should be evince a true devotion to seasonal vegetables. That means, for examples, artichokes in winter, asparagus in spring, tomatoes in summer, porcini in fall — and not a year-round medley of carrots, zucchini and broccoli. There should be a tossed salad that relies on well chosen greens dressed with good olive oil. Points deducted for candied nuts, dried fruit, balsamic vinaigrette.

Regional Chinese restaurant: Dry pot, dumplings and more

You could literally write a book, but this will get you started: In a Sichuan restaurant we're looking for a dry pot whose meat is complemented by many many delicious vegetables and seasoned with plenty of tongue-tingling Sichuan peppercorn and red chilies. The mapo tofu should feature cubes of tofu that are not drowned in a spicy-but-not-incendiary sauce of fermented bean sauce, chilies and ground pork. In a Cantonese restaurant, we want a hopping-fresh steamed whole fish and crystal shrimp dumplings with translucent skins and very flavorful shrimp filling. We're only ordering soup dumplings in a Shanghai restaurant and they should be extremely thin-skinned with exquisitely pleated topknots and a very pork-forward broth. Extra points if we can also order Shanghai shao mai, overfilled with sticky rice. A restaurant specializing in Beijing and points north should serve great jiaozi, stubby, thick-skinned boiled dumplings filled with pork and leeks.

Sushi bar: Chirashi bowl

Order a chirashi bowl, a selection of the restaurant’s sashimi offerings over seasoned rice with vinegar, salt, and sugar. This preparation nods to the traditional art of sushi-making, and the more selections of fish, skewing away from salmon (which isn't traditional in Japan), the more seriously the restaurant honors Japanese tradition. Tuna, yellowtail, shrimp, ikura, or roe, are often included, plus whitefish like fluke or snapper, often more exotic specialties. The tell of an authentic sushi venue? Their chirashi contains tamago, or egg omelet, layered and often cut into triangles origamilike, with soy sauce, mirin, and a touch of sugar.

Diner: Omelets, pancakes, Greek burgers and fries 

There are many ways to tell how good a diner is depending on what meal is being served. For breakfast, it's always an omelet, and of course, pancakes for the table. Is the maple syrup real? Are the eggs runny? Is the cheese nicely melted? Are the onions caramelized? Cold cheese and raw onion inside warm eggs is lazy; a bad sign. Are the pancakes thin and cold, hot and fluffy? How many in a stack? At least three. For lunch, opt for the Greek option — whether it’s a Greek burger, Greek salad or souvlaki — a diner that can’t do Greek lunch food well isn't a diner at all. Most importantly, the tzatziki must be on point, right ratio of dill to cucumber to garlic to yogurt, thick and creamy. Last, there’s nothing like diner fries, especially those with mozzarella and brown gravy — a smooth, deep brown gravy, not lumpy, congealed or too salty — to dip well-done potatoes, smothered in gooey, white mozzarella cheese. Bad diner fries equals bad diner.

Italian American restaurant: Red sauce, chicken Parm

Everyone on Long Island has their favorite Italian American spot for dine-in or takeout, and everyone judges them differently. For us? It’s first, their red sauce and, second, the chicken Parm.  If the red sauce at any pasta joint is off, so is the meal, since red sauce is the basis for so much of the Italian American menu. If it’s too — salty, sweet, acidic, garlicky, oniony, thin, watery, thick, pasty, oily — everything from pasta pomodoro to Parms, even the dipping sauce for the mozzarella sticks, is ruined. However, assuming the sauce is just right, the chicken Parm gets considered next. It needs to be equal parts sauce and cheese, but not completely smothered by either. Not too heavily breaded, pounded thin, fresh mozzarella is ideal. Served on its own, no pasta accompaniment.

Thai restaurant: Classics like Pad Thai and papaya salad

We know what the broth for a fiery, tangy tom yum soup should evoke, lingering first on the front of the tongue, then spreading to the sides and back, before lighting up our insides. A papaya salad is a go-to with its just-right level of fish sauce and peanuts; and laab should be herbaceous, foremost, and lime-drenched with a hit of chilies. Others might try the most eccentric dish on the menu — the whole fried fish, perhaps — and that's cool. But we're trying the tried and true dishes first.