Bending over backward for backyard bliss
Getting the furniture was a bigger battle than fertilizing the yard. Credit: iStock
A few years ago, the wrought iron table and chairs in our backyard began to rust through. My wife saw a patio set sale at Sears, so we strolled in and bought a Garden Oasis Laurel Park seven-piece dining set. Hey, that was easy!
Well, no.
A matching umbrella base cost more than we liked, but the sales associate said we were eligible for 12 months delayed payment with no interest. In that case, quoth Wife, we'll take the umbrella base. So the sales associate canceled out the original order and for the next 20 minutes entered codes, SKU numbers, buyer data, and information from the Mayan calendar. But we were done.
Well, no.
At the merchandise pick up building, a message on the touch screen told me to scan the bar code on my receipt. I slid the bar code under the red laser beam. Again, the message said to scan the bar code on my receipt. I complied. Same message.
OK, I'd been sucked into an inter-dimensional loop. I saw a bar code on the other end of the receipt. I scanned that code, and as the hackers say, I was in. An overhead monitor showed my name and a digital timer. Apparently, if burly men did not fetch my merchandise within five minutes, I'd get a $5-off coupon for my next purchase! But burly men beat the clock, so we were done.
Well, no.
I opened the lift gate of the Chevy Traverse and hoped everything would fit. The carton containing the chairs, yes. The box containing the umbrella base, yes. The carton containing the table, no. So I traipsed back to the Sears store, found the sales associate, and told him the problem. Hey, no problem! I could cancel the sale and repurchase the set, with an extra $65 for delivery. Or I could come back with a truck to pick up the set within 30 days. My wife was sure our son had a friend who owned a flatbed truck, but our son wasn't answering his phone. So we went home empty-handed, but at least we'd solved the problem.
Well, no.
As it turned out, our son did not have a friend who owned a flatbed. So I checked out truck rental at Home Depot and U-Haul. Home Depot wanted $20 for 75 minutes plus gasoline. U-Haul wanted $20 plus 99 cents per mile. It was 16 miles from the U-Haul center to Sears and back again. Home Depot seemed like the better deal. OK, done.
Well, no.
I stopped by the Home Depot service desk to ask if we needed to reserve the truck. Nope -- but we did need to buy stuff to rent the truck. A bag of garden soil didn't count. It had to be something like fencing or lumber. So, we called U-Haul again. But this time, we were told it would cost $20 plus $2 per mile -- $52 to pick up the set ourselves, versus $65 to have it delivered. OK, we'd have it delivered.
Well no.
Planning to drive to Sears later, I went outside to finish weeding and glanced next door, where Steve, the concrete contractor, lived. And there was Steve's Dodge Ram flatbed truck! And Steve was getting into his car! So I asked Steve if I could use his truck. Sure, he said. He tossed me the keys and drove off.
I, 64 years old, schlepped heavy chains and broken concrete blocks from the truck bed and drove to Sears. Wife followed in the Traverse. It was a close fit, but the table carton made it into the flatbed. The carton with the chairs went into the Traverse. Back home, our son helped haul the cartons to the backyard. I returned Steve's truck, and heaved back onto the flatbed all of the broken concrete blocks and heavy chains.
So we suffered frustration, delays, and in my case, torn back muscles. But the Garden Oasis Laurel Park set looked great, and we saved $65. So was it worth it?
Well, yes.
Richard Posner, Selden
