Coping with life in a multigenerational household

During the Great Depression, it was common for several generations of a family to live in the same house. And today, with some people living through the hardest times since the 1930s, more and more multigenerational homes are becoming shelters from the economic storm.

The construction of this new family structure is varied. It could be the recent college graduate who can't find a job moving back with mom and dad. Or it could be grandma and grandpa, after having their nest egg reduced by bad investments or declining health, moving in with an adult child. And in some cases, it is boomer kids moving back to the old family home to share it with their senior parents.

Will all this forced togetherness rip apart a family? Susan Newman, a social psychologist who studied reunited families for her book "Under One Roof Again: All Grown Up and (Re)learning to Live Together Happily," says most of the people she spoke with were coping, and many were thriving. "They discovered that it's not as bad as they thought it would be," she says.

In reunited families with young children, the grandparents are usually happy to help with child care. If the case where an unmarried adult child moves back to the family home, he or she is available for caregiving if the parents need help.

Still, there are pitfalls to avoid. When an adult child moves back, it's important not to revert to old family squabbles. Newman says it's not uncommon for the parent to treat their 20- or 30- or even 40-something offspring as if they were still in grade school. And the pattern can hold even if it's the older parents who move in with an adult child. Newman cites the example of a mother-in-law straightening her son's sock drawer, much to the dismay of the son's wife.

To make the arrangement work, consideration by all family members is important, Newman says. Arguments are usually caused by minor annoyances such as finishing the last of the milk or leaving a dirty sink after cooking or entering a bedroom without knocking. "It sounds silly, but those are the little things that absolutely incense people," Newman says.