Friendship on the line: Calling programs keep seniors connected

Not since the summer of 1999, when the option to "phone-a-friend" — the chance to confer with an off-camera buddy — was first offered to contestants on the TV game show "Who Wants to Be A Millionaire" has the old-fashioned telephone call been valued as such a critical lifeline.

The notion certainly rings true for Gloria Gerwitz, 91, who lives alone in Plainview. "It gives me something to look forward to," she said of the recent group phone-in opportunities she has enjoyed through the Mid-Island Y JCC that have replaced in-person programs she attended before the coronavirus ushered in the current era of social distancing. "Several of us have even exchanged numbers to connect on our own, to chat and commiserate."

Gerwitz, who recounts growing up without a telephone and going to the corner candy store to place a call, has also been on the receiving end of some of the 10,000 check-in calls the community center staff has made to Long Island senior citizens since the pandemic began.

"Not surprisingly, one of the biggest needs we discovered is the need to feel connected with others," said Alana Rosenstein, supervising director of the JCC’s aging-in-place programming. "There is a significant subgroup of older adults who don’t have access, know-how or interest to use video meeting technology. We are working at meeting these seniors where they are at by taking advantage of the technology that is familiar to them — the telephone."

Apparently, it is not only those among us less acquainted with rotary dials, busy signals and switchboard operators — and more familiar with dropped calls, text banter and butt dialing — who are finding comfort in the age-old communication device.

Spike in calls during COVID

Thirteen years after the Nielsen ratings company pronounced the phone call dead (in the fall of 2007, texts outnumbered calls for the first time), carriers reported a substantial spike in use during the onset of the spread of COVID-19 in the metropolitan region. According to RCR Wireless News, both AT+T and Verizon saw a 25% surge in voice traffic at the end of March. Two months later, on Mother’s Day — historically one of the biggest call days of the year — Verizon reported an increase in calls of "more than 13% over a typical pre-COVID Sunday and almost 10% more calls than last Mother’s Day." Moreover, consumers talked that day alone for over 1.75 billion minutes, nearly 11% more than the Sunday prior.

"For years we’ve seen a steady decline in the amount of time people spend talking to one another, especially on wireless devices," Kyle Malady, chief technology officer at Verizon, said in a statement. "The move to staying at home has reignited people’s hunger to stay connected, voice-to-voice."

While the rise in volume wasn’t as marked in subsequent months, Verizon spokesman David Weissmann noted that the carrier is prepared for more traffic as cold weather — and tighter virus-related restrictions — has more people staying put. "We did see some interesting trends on Thanksgiving on network usage," he said. "Customers made over 400 million mobile phone calls, about the same as last year, however, the calls lasted 36 percent longer than on Thanksgiving Day 2019."

"Just because we have to be socially distanced doesn’t mean we don’t have to be socially connected," noted Dr. Jessy Warner-Cohen, a psychiatrist with Northwell Health. "We, as a culture, had shifted away from making phone calls. At the beginning of the pandemic people were excited to use new technology, but now there is an overall fatigue looking at screens. On the phone, you can just be you and qualitatively engage with the person you are speaking with."

Curiously, at a time when people can easily connect with friends and family across the globe with the simple click of a mouse, human beings are lonelier than ever. A 2019 survey by the health service company Cigna reported that 3 out 5 Americans suffer from the condition. Not surprisingly, the loneliness epidemic has been greatly exacerbated by the COVID-19 pandemic, with lockdowns, social distancing and telecommuting largely limiting live interactions to one’s household members. Adding to the loneliness trend are the 35.7 million individuals who live solo, a number that, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, has more than doubled since 1960.

A check on isolation

Although people today have lots of vehicles for making human connections, the director of the Long Island Crisis Center, Joseph Walsh, contends that the telephone has historically proved most powerful for the 47-year-old Bellmore organization’s vital work. "There is a certain safety built-in," he explained about the phone call. "It offers a veil of anonymity in which clients feel empowered to share deeply personal things and are in control in that they can hang up anytime. It is also intimate. You can hear when people are upset in their voice."

Walsh reported an increase in the volume of calls to the crisis center in the early stages of the pandemic, but also a notable thematic shift in the conversations that callers have been having since with their peer counselors. "They have been more about experiencing feelings of isolation and hopelessness versus the usual discussions about relationships with family and substance abuse," he said.

Staff at the Family and Children’s Association in Mineola also reported heightened anxiety and depression among both their young and elderly clients. "We do regular emotional check-ins with our kids," said Donna Teichner, an assistant vice president of the nonprofit social services organization. "There is definitely more fear being expressed. Texting often isn’t sufficient to deal with it, and many feel Zoomed-out. Phone calls have become a better option, especially for the more vulnerable."

D.J. Chardonette, 21, who has benefited from FCALI’s services since she was a young teen, saw her counselor regularly in-person, but since the pandemic she has communicated with her through text messages, email and phone calls. "We do speak on the phone more now," she said, noting how the conversations have helped her to work through concerns, especially when she was temporarily furloughed from her retail sales job, and to stay focused on her life goals.

Similarly, the coronavirus forced FCALI to pivot from face-to-face interactions with the thousands of seniors it services through its Friendly Visitors program to a telephone reassurance initiative.

Since July, Tyisha Gaskin, 34, of Farmingdale has been making weekly calls to Janice K., a Hempstead resident who has developed such a strong bond with her volunteer caller that Janice said she wished Gaskin was her daughter. "One of the things that’s important to me is bridging the gap between older and younger people," Gaskin said. "Miss Janice gives to me her wisdom, her time, her laugh."

'Looking for connection'

On the other hand, Mildred Prisco, a vivacious 89-year-old widow living in East Northport, feels a particularly strong connection to one of five senior callers who take turns checking in on her through RSVP Suffolk’s long-established program. "We both had knee replacements," she noted of phone pal Sally Economou, 88, a resident of Smithtown. "It’s nice to talk to someone of the same generation."

"I feel like Mildred is one of my good friends, not just a person I call," agreed Economou, who has been dialing up RSVP clients since her retirement more than two decades ago. "The people I call are from every walk of life — housewives, doctors, teachers. I may be the only person who they talk to all day."

"At 89, waking up and hearing a human voice is an achievement in itself," added Alan Reff of East Williston, who signed up for the call service nearly two years ago as an extra check on his well-being. Because of his advanced age, he noted, "when I do call my daughter, I’m quick to let her know I’m OK and it’s not an emergency."

For many consumers, voice exchanges are indeed reserved for urgent situations and dreaded robocalls.

"If my phone rings, it is usually my mom or spam," said Max Slesinski, a junior at Elwood’s John Glenn High School who has attended many of his classes this year via Zoom. While he uses voice calling for quick interactions, a habit adopted before COVID-19, Slesinski said there has been an uptick in his FaceTime use — what one reporter dubbed "phone calls plus" — since the pandemic began. "It makes up for the lack of in-person social time," he said.

To keep her neighbors socializing with one another when they can’t meet outside, Syosset’s Joan Paladini has partnered with the Mid-Island Y JCC to launch Chilly Day Chats, using a toll-free dial-in number, to re-create the friendly "stoop" gatherings she enjoyed with other tenants of the Town of Oyster Bay Housing Authority Complex.

"It’s sort of like Seinfeld," said the 73-year-old of her diverse friends who like to convene to share their day-to-day goings-on. "It helps us not to feel neglected or forgotten. I wish more residents would get involved."

"This year, 2020, has thrown a filter on our lives, revealing what we value and feel is important," said Warner-Cohen, the Northwell psychiatrist. "People are looking for connection."

It certainly seems the right time to dial it back and rediscover what your smartphone was originally intended for. "Take that first step," Warner-Cohen encouraged. "Start a conversation."