The skinny on fat guys: It's tough to run
What did you think of the whole Chris Christie fat-guy business?
For those who missed it, Christie, Republican governor of New Jersey and a fellow who might charitably be called "husky," briefly considered running for president.
After the requisite amount of media speculation and talk show squawking, Christie decided, no, he wouldn't give it a try, after all. "Now is not my time," said the governor, as though he had consulted a sundial or the Gregorian calendar. There was no escaping the idea that one of these election seasons would be his time, so, Fox News and MSNBC, remain on alert.
Though it may not have weighed, so to speak, on Christie's decision, his heft became part of the national conversation. Eugene Robinson, a Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist for The Washington Post, advised Christie to "eat a salad and take a walk." Writing on the Bloomberg website, Michael Kinsley insisted a person of Christie's dimensions was an outrageous example of self-indulgence and "just too fat" to serve as commander in chief.
How to proceed?
One possibility would be to screen our leaders and leader-
wannabes to see how they score on the flesh-is-weak scale. Really, if Americans knew Richard Nixon was going to fly macadamia nut ice cream in from Hawaii and jack up the air-conditioning so he could enjoy a blazing hearth even in July, would they have considered him for high office? How about those stories about Herbert Hoover visiting the Belgian embassy for belt-o's during Prohibition? Teddy Roosevelt is viewed with admiration, but what if voters learned TR ate 12 eggs -- yes, a full dozen -- for breakfast? Then there's Bill Clinton. Best, here, to let the record speak for itself.
Prompting some of the public scolding in Christie's case surely was his political affiliation.
Republicans come across as the party of sobriety, discipline and personal responsibility. Eric Cantor, the GOP majority leader, serves as perfect example. Lean frame, jaw set at right angles, sensible eyeglasses, starched collars, the Virginia congressman is the guy eating mixed greens with balsamic on the side while everybody else is begging for seconds of eggplant parmigiana. Democrats, on the other hand, have managed to cast themselves as the moral equivalent of your teenage grandson -- the one with no job, a suspended license, chartreuse hair and a tongue stud.
So it could be that the expansive Christie departed so mightily from the Republican norm that he posed an irresistible target. In this same category is Bill Bennett, the Reagan-era drug czar, who writes and preaches often about restraint and moral values but presents a waist the width of the Potomac. A few years back, it was revealed that the author of "The Book of Virtues" had a gambling problem. In response, Washington Monthly magazine called Bennett "The Bookie of Virtue."
I sort of feel for Christie and Bennett, too. I was a fat kid back there in Brooklyn, downing slice after slice of Ebinger's chocolate layer cake and bonbons at the Alpine movie house on Saturdays and liverwurst sandwiches from the deli near Seventh Avenue.
One time, coming home for lunch from P.S. 170, I was delighted to find my grandmother, a dear, German frau who believed there was a sure relationship between girth and godliness, frying a couple of burgers. I downed them both, and Nana said, "Another?" Yum, I replied. That was three. "One more?" O'boy, said the stout Freddie. I set the 69th Street lunchtime record with five that day and burped happily back to sixth grade. Photos at the time -- one bathing suit shot taken at Breezy Point comes immediately to mind -- suggest I was aiming for a scholarship at Sumo summer camp.
At this stage of life, I watch weight as best I can. Most days I walk a couple of miles, sometimes three, and on Sunday, when I drift back to Brooklyn, join the crowd hiking around Prospect Park. I haven't eaten meat in 30 years -- Nana provided enough amino acids for a lifetime -- and mostly stay away from ice cream and candy.
While things are under control, I suppose I could quickly announce for the presidency. But come on. At any weight, something tells me it's not my time.
