Tip: A group for spousal caregivers

Those for whom "in sickness and in health" are not empty words often know how empty they feel.

Caring for a seriously ill spouse is perhaps the hardest part of any marriage. But even as the sick spouse is cared for, the healthy one can suffer. Fortunately, at least one organization is focused exclusively on helping the person caring for a chronically ill spouse or partner.

"We support the caregiver," says Lawrence Bocchiere III, president of Well Spouse Association. "That's the entire premise of our organization."

Well Spouse (wellspouse.org), a New Jersey-based not-for-profit company, coordinates and oversees support groups around the country, including a chapter on Long Island. Bocchiere estimates there are 7 million spousal caregivers in the United States, although few are getting the support and help they need.

"Most people don't reach out to an organization such as ours until they hit bottom," he says. "You have that heroic bent: 'I can do this, I should do this, this is my spouse,' and you don't see the little incremental declines in yourself."

Well Spouse is not set up to give tips on how to care for a sick partner, although members at support groups certainly share their experiences. The organization advises all spousal caregivers to make sure their health needs are met and that they find some ways to get a brief respite from their arduous task before their own health suffers irreparably. "It's important to get a little stress relief," Bocchiere says.

All the officers of the company are either spousal caregivers or have been spousal caregivers in the past, Bocchiere says. For the past 15 years, Bocchiere has been the spousal caregiver to his wife, Deborah Ann, who suffers from numerous conditions, including chronic obstructive pulmonary disease and emphysema.

Well Spouse provides continuing support for members whose spouses have died. "Stress from caregiving has been shown to last as much as three years after the caregiving ends," Bocchiere says. "We've lost our partner, our best friend, our lover."

Annual dues for Well Spouse members are $30, although Bocchiere says they will be waived for hardship cases. If you'd like to join the Long Island chapter that meets in Albertson, or find out more, call Rose Packard, the group's acting director, at 516-829-8740.