Tip: Put love into Valentine's Day
Though Valentine's Day can be a time to reignite the fires of love, some couples may find it's their last together. Credit: Newsday File / Bruce Gilbert
Be forewarned: On Tuesday, a perfunctory rose may be the last straw.
For many couples, Valentine's Day is a time to reignite the fires of love. But for some couples whose lovelight is a mere flicker, the holiday could be their last together.
Several divorce lawyers say the weeks after Valentine's are a busy time, in some cases second only to the days after the Christmas-New Year holiday season. According to online advice site Avvo.com, requests for information from divorce lawyers spikes about 40 percent in the days after Valentine's Day.
How can a holiday known for sweet talk be so sour to a relationship?
"When you haven't been making one another a priority all year, then that one day becomes ominous," says Paul Moschetta, a marriage counselor and therapist. "Wives complain that they often get a last-minute, lackluster effort that leaves them feeling like they're not a top priority." Moschetta and his wife, Eve, also a marriage counselor and therapist, are authors of "Are You Roommates or Soul Mates?" (One Not Two Press, $16). They have offices in Manhattan and on Long Island.
If the past year has been rocky, giving a Valentine's gift you're apathetic about can be disastrous, Eve Moschetta says. "For women, it tends to be more symbolic of how much you think about me, especially if all year long they're not getting enough of the messages from their husband that says, 'You are very important to me.' "
The heart-shaped box of chocolates is OK if that's what your sweetheart looks forward to on the holiday, and it is better than an inappropriate gift. "The worst thing is a gift that reflects no knowledge of the other person," Paul says.
The day should be about the joy a couple feels in being together, and finding a way to express that joy. Instead of sending a printed greeting card, buy a blank card and write down your feelings, Paul suggests. For couples with strong relationships, the gift really should not be that important. "If I know that you love me deeply, then why should a gift matter?" Eve says. "It only matters if I have doubts about how much I mean to you."
And while older couples may believe Valentine's Day is for young people, Eve says the longer you've been married, the more important the day is.
"Love doesn't have to do with age, it has to do with appreciation, with a sense of gratitude that you're in my life," she says. "And that doesn't stop."
