Greenlawn man, 74, has winning touch at police auctions

'Lawwyn-jer-raayy," the auction master brayed, in an impressively fast, staccato-like imitation of the late, great W.C. Fields. "We got lawwyn-jer-ray," he repeated.

"They're sized" - pause for a quick pick through a box of brand new bras and underpants - "small and medium. What do I hear? Morris? What do I hear?"

"Ten dollars," answered Morris Stoler, 74, of Greenlawn, rising to his feet from a folding chair and lifting his trademark cap high into the air.

And that was that. Stoler had the winning bid on a box of name-brand lady dainties, which, he would say later, were bound for his wife and daughters.

Pat Hyland, the first auctioneer of the day at the Suffolk County police property department in Yaphank, moved on to other items, reeling off descriptions and bids so fast it was almost impossible to know what was happening until a winning bid slowed things down.

Still, Stoler managed to hang on every word. He knows what he wants. And, just as important, what he doesn't want.

"You see these numbers?" he asked, pointing to a pile of bid-won booty stacked neatly against a wall. "Those two numbers are the year the property was seized," he said.

"You got to check the year," he said. "It's important. Somebody got a computer that was seized in 2002. The thing's no good because it's too old," he said, with a sorrowful shake of the head.

All the officers working the Suffolk County police property auction know Stoler. So do the regular bidders, who, like Stoler, know enough to arrive with folding chairs, water, food and jackets in case the weather fouls.

Stoler prides himself on going to every police auction he can find. He's been doing it - six times a year - for more than 20 years, looking for bargains on items auctioned off after its value as evidence in police cases has faded.

"I love it," he said, pointing with pride at his ring - which appeared to have a black stone and a few diamonds - and his 18-karat gold watch with diamonds on the bezel. He got both of them a police property auctions.

He said he has a budget of about $1,000, but often spends only a portion of it.

"It's fun, it's cathartic," he said. "I like talking to people. We kid around a lot. And the prices are good. They're so good I can be a hero and give the stuff away."

His biggest haul?

Thirteen boxes of women's clothing, with 25 items - including suits and jackets - to a box. He had to call a friend with a truck to get it home.

"My wife wanted to kill me," he said. He ended up donating most of the clothing to a mission in Huntington, he said.

Stoler's most notable - and please excuse the pun applied to property seized by police from criminals - steals?

Actually, there are several, he said:

A 1.05-carat diamond set into an 18-karat gold ring that he got for $350 and later had appraised for $5,500.

A lady's leather and mink jacket, with the $2,000 Nordstrom's tag still attached, that he bought for $100 and gifted to his wife, Judy.

A $1,250 Fendi purse that he got for $125; a $750 Gucci bag that he got for $110.

But what about the bid that got away?

Here Stoler stopped to think. But he couldn't come up with anything. Not a single thing. "When I raise my hat, I'm not going to go down," he explained. "That's what everybody knows. When the hat goes up, they tell everybody else, don't bother. They know I'm going to stay with it."

As the morning wore on, Stoler's pile of goodies grew larger. He added cookware, children's T-shirts, jeans, suits, dresses, tops and slacks with Rena Rowan, Jones and Guess tags.

But he was hardly through. By noon, he said he was ready to take off. To an afternoon police property auction in Nassau County.

There, he bought, among other items, two digital cameras and a digital camcorder. "They were giving them away," he said.

Next up? "There's going to be an auction of jewelry in the fall," he said. "That ought to be a lot of fun."

With Stoler, as almost always, that's a sure bid.

What Stoler got, and what he paid

From Suffolk County police auction in Yaphank:

10-piece stainless steel cookware set, no price tag. Wife Judy told him not to bid more than $100. $65

Two pairs of jeans, True Religion, size 30, which had a $262 price tag, and Rock and Republic, size 36, no price tag. $30

Five dress tops, Calvin Klein, tagged $48 to $118 each. $20

Norelco rechargeable cordless razor. New, with $70 price tag. $20

Three Disney T-shirts, boys size small, tagged $15 a piece. $10

Used Minolta binoculars and Monolux telescope. $45

Suits, dresses, tops, slacks. Rena Rowan, Jones New York, Guess, tagged from $58 to $149. $20

Lingerie, tagged from $6.50 to $20. $10 each

Kitchen Aid toaster, no price tag. $20

Coach pocketbook, with a $268 price tag. $55

Used Panasonic 20-inch LCD television. $100

At Nassau County police property auction in Mineola:

Sony digital camera, with a 28 to 200 mm lens and a Vision 16 digital camcorder. $165

Canon digital camera, with a lot that included a runner's digital GPS watch and a pair of Marc Jacobs sunglasses. $100