Asking the Clergy: How should you treat an enemy?

Love is all around on Valentine’s Day, celebrated on Feb. 14 with cards, chocolates and hugs for those we care about. This week’s clergy discuss why that generous emotion might also be shared with those not in our good graces.

The Rev. Melissa Boyer

Pastor, Babylon United Methodist Church

Jesus’ answer to this question is clear and simple: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44) Simple is not always easy, though. Loving your enemies is such a challenging teaching that it can be tempting to dismiss it entirely. I want to offer what loving your enemies does not mean. It does not mean that you have to like them or be their buddy. It does not mean that you condone their actions or minimize the damage they have done. Loving your enemies means wanting them to be well in mind, body and soul. If people are engaging in harmful actions, they can’t truly be well until they stop causing harm. Loving enemies means praying for them and hoping that they can evolve and repent. Praying for enemies can open us up to see how we ourselves might need to evolve and repent. To love an enemy is to resist the temptation to dehumanize and demonize, and instead recognize that all of us have the capacity to do great good and great harm. Love is the ability to see both the good and the bad, and to encourage the good.

Parveen Chopra

Founder, alotusinthemud.com, and president, American Center for Wellness & Spirituality, Hicksville

Two decades ago, I was running a magazine in India, and a third of our staff left to secretly start a rival magazine. We sued them for stealing our data. They tried to harm us in other ways. I was in a rage, vengeful. It ended in a stalemate but by then, I was so drained out that I quit my job. In hindsight, had I forgiven my ex-employees, I could have avoided months of tension and turmoil and saved my job. All religions teach forgiveness as a virtue. Even non-believers can understand that the visceral feelings of revenge harm our well-being first. The consequences of the endless loop of retaliation and counter-retaliation could not be told more starkly than in Mahabharata, the epic of Hinduism, a religion I was born into. The Great War described in Mahabharata left behind death, destruction and a dystopian world. Now, a refreshing part of the Hindu celebration of Holi, the festival of colors, is to make up with our enemies and embrace them. In Jainism, also founded in India, forgiveness is ritualized. Jains conclude their festival of Paryushana by greeting friends and family with ‘Michchhāmi Dukkaḍaṃ’ — “I seek your forgiveness if I have offended you in any way, in thought, word or action.”

The Rev. Tyra L. Frazier

Pastor, Bethel AME Church, Bay Shore

The 1960s American singer-songwriter Jackie DeShannon said it all when she sang, "What the world needs now is love, sweet love/ It’s the only thing that there's just too little of." When we think of love, often times our enemies are far from our view. For many, in today's divisive climate, love is reserved exclusively for family and friends. Even so, Jesus has instructed us to “love your enemies.” (Matthew 5:44) This may at first appear to be impossible, yet it is not, if we follow the example set by the stories in the gospels. Jesus is the greatest example of how to respond to betrayal, with a love that leads to redemption. Christ’s standard of love demands that we love others as Christ loves us. As believers born into Original Sin, we too were once enemies of God — that is, until love saved us. How do we treat our worst enemies? By following the command Jesus gave to us, to love our enemies. What the world needs now is love, sweet love.