Asking the Clergy: How to deal with teens skipping worship

As fall schedules fill up with school, extracurricular activities and social commitments, religious practice may seem less important to teens, the majority of whom “seldom or never” attend worship services nowadays, according to national surveys. This week’s clergy discuss ways parents can encourage and inspire teens to join them at worship services and religious observances.

Nitin Ajmera

Chair, board of trustees, Parliament
of the World’s Religions

The key is to help teens understand why we attend worship services and how our Jain faith can benefit them in their young adult years. While God loves all creatures in the same way, teens may question whether this universal love manifests itself in a world rife with social and political divisiveness, war and other forms of cruelty — problems that have plagued us since time immemorial.

To show teens the power of God’s love, parents of teens should show compassion to others and treat all people with respect and care. When teens see the effect of such behavior, and we explain that it’s because we worship a loving God, they may be interested in learning more. Teens may be even more interested when they learn how relevant their faith can be to their young lives.

We need to explain how faith in God Almighty and their religion can help young people meet challenges such as competing for grades and college acceptance, and facing up to peer pressure and bullying. Parents should share stories of compassion and acts of kindness, and invite teens to join them in volunteer community and environmental projects that take our faith from our sacred building into open society.

The Rev. Douglas R. Arcoleo

Pastor, St. Catherine of Sienna Roman Catholic Church, Franklin Square

Another 9/11 anniversary has come and gone, and while we the people continue to mourn the loss of the innocents, we also continue to be inspired by the men and women who, in the aftermath of that day’s terrorist attacks, walked in the footsteps of Jesus trying to seek out and save the lost.

It was hearing the stories of those men and women that inspired those who were teens on that dark day in human history to grow up wanting to be just like them and, in fact, helped them become today’s men and women of service.

And therein lies the answer to the question: “How do I deal with my teen not attending religious services?” We, the people of every race, language, sex, skin-color or creed, know that the best lesson taught is that of one’s good example. You, therefore, the parent (preferably both parents) who attends religious services, must allow yourself to be so drawn into the retelling of the Greatest Story Ever Told that you in turn become the story that not only inspires your teen to attend religious services, but inspires them to become just like you!  

Sanaa Nadim

Chaplain, Islamic Society, Interfaith Center, Stony Brook University

In the Islamic tradition, parents are required to teach their children about the faith and its tenets. Children grow up seeing their parents pray, fast, adhere to spiritual values and practice good conduct.

It is also very important to enroll children in Sunday schools offered by neighborhood mosques. With education and knowledge of their faith, children can develop conviction in their beliefs. Participating in community activities also helps children develop their Muslim identity and understand their place in society. I hasten to add, however, that the Quran states, “There is no compulsion in religion” (Verse 2:256).

If parents are harsh, angry or force their children to practice their faith, children may become resentful. Parents must come with love, not punishment. Try offering a reward, something the child likes to do, before or after services. Inviting family and friends to attend religious observances can create a light and positive atmosphere that your child may respond to. Once faith is firm, attending religious services becomes your child’s own responsibility. But they should remember that our creator is a loving, merciful, forgiving God. So even if they make mistakes, he is always waiting for them to come back to him.