Dating for seniors on Long Island: Finding love after 50

Christine Feingold has been looking for that special someone for what feels like eons.

Feingold, 59, of Great Neck, reentered the dating world after getting divorced in 2008. She has found, she said, that courtship today is very different from when she was a young woman.

“People were very interactive back when. We were friendly and open to talk in person and on the phone,” she said. “Now people spend too much time staring at phones or computers. It seems like face-to-face interaction is challenging for people. . . . The world keeps getting smaller with travel and internet, yet real in-person contact is becoming a rare gem.”

For Long Islanders over 50 like Feingold, dating in midlife and beyond can take some getting used to, according to several seniors who shared their stories. Gone are the days of blind dates, arrangements by close friends, chance meetings at a bar or event. Cupid works his magic through technology and social media, including dating apps and Facebook groups. Speed dating and singles events are also solid options for soulmate searching, they said. (Going on a reality show could soon be an option, as well, with the debut this fall of “The Golden Bachelor,” featuring a man in his 70s looking for love after his wife died.)

And while finding the perfect partner is difficult at any age, these seniors agreed that dating over 50 presents its own challenges. There may be adult children to consider, as well as health concerns. Often, older adults are set in their ways and the merging of lifestyles can be a tricky endeavor, they said.

According to the National Council on Aging, there is also the issue of vulnerability, especially for those who have been through a painful divorce or the death of a spouse.

On the flip side, however, people over 50 have grown wiser, are more stable and have more time to focus on themselves rather than their children or vocations. Their goals have shifted from climbing the corporate ladder and multitasking home and work life, to relishing the latter half of their existence and not sweating the small stuff, said Francine Russo, 76, a New York City-based journalist who has written the book — literally — on dating as an older adult.

“We’ve learned a lot about ourselves by this point. By now we know what’s right for us,” she said.

Russo, author of “Love After 50: How to Find It, Enjoy It, and Keep It,” is an idealist who sees “great opportunity for dating seniors.” Russo interviewed more than 50 couples on their dating journey for the book, which is a compilation of their trials and tribulations peppered with her own views on the topic. She writes: “Research shows that, as a group, we’re experiencing a kind of union that’s not only different from but often better than any before, even if we were happily married. Whether you’re 50 or 70, your age fosters a unique potential for love.”

Russo said she feels seniors are better equipped to know what they’re looking for in a mate, and that their long trail of life experiences has allowed them to amass deep insight and prudence.

A two-time widow, Russo had been actively seeking a life partner on and off for years. She said she dabbled in singles parties, joined clubs and tried various activities. When her efforts ran aground on all fronts, she said she gravitated toward the internet for a suitor. It was there, she said, that she met her significant other seven years ago.

“Look, I don’t turn heads when I walk into a room. That’s just the way it is,” she said. “Online dating worked for me.”

Speed dating and more

Gail Adams had a very different experience.

After 22 years of marriage, Adams, now 66, and a resident of Suffolk County, went through a divorce in her 40s. Once she felt ready to start anew, she said she dipped her toes into the online dating pool. After some not-so-great experiences Adams said she realized it wasn’t for her and decided to give speed dating a whirl.

She said she liked being able to talk to a prospective partner face to face, assessing any chemistry and having a few minutes of real conversation. “It’s not like ordering a car,” Adams said of online dating. “They might look good on paper. But there’s more to someone than a bunch of check marks.”

Adams was inspired by her experience to create 7 in Heaven Singles Events, which offers speed-dating sessions, as well as activities like kayaking, boat cruises, museum tours and socials. These settings offer the chance for organic bonding without the stress of it being “show time,” she said. (Membership is free, but attendees have to pay for events, she said.)

'Tired of sitting home'

Adams said members range in age from 20-something to those in their 70s. Most are from Long Island and the majority are women 55 and over, she said.

She cautions that the dating scene is tougher for older women than for older men due to sheer numbers: There are more single women.

“I’ve done the research,” said Adams. “Long Island is one of the most popular places for single women over 50 to live in the entire country, mostly because of career opportunities.”

But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to make a love connection — and she’s proof of it. Adams said she met her “true love” at one of her own events in 2015 and has since remarried.

Michael Cavalluzzo, of Ridge, divorced in his mid-40s and said he also struggled to find his footing after his marriage ended. He said his social circle dwindled and he didn’t know how to begin again.

“I realized I needed to get out there. I was tired of sitting home,” he said. “I tried dating apps, but I started to lose interest after awhile. Then I started poking around Facebook and the only thing I found was a 40+ singles group. I was 52 at the time, so it really wasn’t a great fit.”

Cavalluzzo, now 54, took some initiative and started his own singles group for people over 50, with very low expectations. Today, his group, 50 Plus Singles Long Island, has over 1,500 members, with anyone 50 and over welcome to join. Membership is free.

Cavalluzzo said he’s surprised and thrilled with the success of the group, which is not laser focused on courtship. Instead, he said, it is a social platform for singles on Long Island to get together to enjoy life on the Island. Events include day trips, hikes, meetups and more. There is no charge for most events, he said.

Hoping to improve lives

Cavalluzzo said he met his current partner a year ago at a walk at Robert Moses State Park. His mission, he said, is to help singles make connections and enjoy life together, whether through romantic or platonic relationships.

“If I can improve someone’s life by even 1%, it’s a great thing,” he said. “I love bringing people together.”

As for Feingold, who is a funeral director in Nassau County, she said that until recently dating had left her frustrated.

Her career can scare off some people, Feingold said. At happy hours, she said she found that telling potential partners about her line of work would in turn prompt them to divulge sad stories, darkening the mood in an instant.

These days, she tells people she’s a travel agent. It makes for much better conversation and, she said, for her it’s not far from the truth — she does help get her “clients” to their final destination, after all.

In addition to her career, Feingold said she has had trouble finding someone who shared her fondness for fun and adventure. But she thinks she may have finally found a man who can keep up with her active lifestyle.

On his posted profile on Facebook Dating, she said he checked many of her “boxes,” including sailing, camping, British comedy and watching the BBC.

Feingold’s words of wisdom: “Don’t give up.”