Gold Star mother Cathy Heighter honors memory of son Army Pfc. Raheen Tyson Heighter

Cathy Heighter knelt beside her son Raheen’s grave at Long Island National Cemetery in Farmingdale earlier this month, vowing to keep a promise she made more than 20 years ago.

"Raheen, I want you to know that I still miss you just like it was yesterday...Not a day goes by I don’t talk about you, remember you, honor you and keep my promise I would never forget the service and sacrifice you gave to our country," she said. "I’ll never stop loving you and I will always remember you."

Army Pfc. Raheen Tyson Heighter, 22, of Bay Shore, was killed with two other troops when his convoy was ambushed north of Baghdad on July 24, 2003. He was the first serviceman from Long Island killed in the Iraq War.

In the two decades since his death, Heighter has kept her promise. She helped pass legislation increasing death benefits for soldiers and last year, she broke ground on a health and wellness center for veterans in Florida, where she now lives.

"His death, his sacrifice, made a difference," Heighter, 70, said. "He did not die in vain, because something good came of him, and so many families will benefit from it."

'I knew something was wrong'

Heighter, speaking to Newsday in an interview ahead of Memorial Day, said her son hoped to become an investment banker and joined the military to pay for his education.

He completed boot camp in August 2001 and spent one year in South Korea. He was deployed to Iraq in February 2003, Heighter said.

Raheen couldn’t tell her where he was going, but once he arrived in Iraq, he would write letters home, she said. His family sent Skittles to hand out to children.

Heighter said she was working in her Bay Shore salon and watching her grandson when she learned Raheen had been killed. She recalled seeing her oldest son pacing outside, followed by a uniformed officer and a woman in civilian clothing. 

"I don’t want to have that memory. When I saw them I knew something was wrong," Heighter said through sobs. "I never let them tell me that he was gone because I wanted to believe he’s not dead. I just wanted to keep him alive, and that’s all I’ve done."

That day, Heighter joined a solemn group of Gold Star mothers, women whose sons and daughters died while serving their country.

Annette Kirk, president of the organization American Gold Star Mothers, has worked with Heighter during events in Florida. She, too, lost a son: Paul, who was killed by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan in 2010.

"I feel I need to carry on and carry the story of my son," said Kirk, who spent the week leading up to Memorial Day decorating graves at Arlington National Cemetery in Washington D.C.

"Memorial Day is one of the most important days for our organization," she said. "All our moms need the support and compassion of others during this time of grief."

Death benefits legislation

After Raheen died, Heighter was surprised to discover he only had a $10,000 life insurance policy and a $6,000 death benefit, which didn’t even cover his funeral expenses.

Heighter partnered with former Rep. Steve Israel (D-Huntington) to pass the Raheen Tyson Heighter Life Insurance for America's Troops Act, which increased death benefits for troops to $100,000.

Then-President George W. Bush later signed the bill, which gave retroactive death benefits to 1,700 families. The life insurance and benefits have since increased to a combined $600,000, Heighter said.

In 2015, Heighter co-founded the organization Remembering Heroes. The group provides "financial and emotional resources, fellowship, learning and empowerment opportunities" to veterans, first responders and Gold Star families, according to their website.

Through the group, Heighter plans to open a wellness center for veterans.

"This is really what I try to do with my life since the loss of my son, because when I lost him, I was one of those people that was clueless. I'm not ashamed to say I had no clue what my son's service meant until I got that knock on the door," she said. "My heart aches every time that I come in contact with either a veteran or another Gold Star family, because I know what it feels like to have to go through that and the tears come."

Every Gold Star family handles grief differently, said Kirk. Some are looking for a shoulder to cry on, while others bond by advocating for their community.

"We can share stories with one another that other people would not understand and our moms are not going to walk away. We embrace each other," Kirk said.

She added, "We would like to think of ourselves as that important and able to make changes for Gold Star families. We do have a voice, and they do listen."