A deluge of hand-me-downs before the baby shower

DEAR AMY: My brother-in-law and his wife are expecting their first child. We have twins, and we decided to give them a majority of our child-care supplies, including enough clothes for the first several years, a changing table, car seats, stroller, carriers, toys and large entertainers. Though my brother-in-law thanked us, his wife has never voiced any appreciation, even when I handed things directly to her. She has complained about how much work it is to go through all of these items and how tired it makes her during her pregnancy, even though we had everything organized very carefully by age. I have been invited to her baby shower, and both my husband and my mother-in-law are pushing me to be generous with my gift. In the past, I've always bought my nieces or nephews their nursery bedding set, but I had never been in the position where I could provide them with so many other necessities. Under the circumstances, am I obligated to give the same gift in this situation? I truly feel that we've given enough already - even if what we have given is not appreciated.Amy, what should I do?

--Generous Giver

DEAR GIVER: According to you, you "decided" to offload several years' worth of baby wear and supplies onto your unsuspecting in-laws.

Then you blame this mom-to-be for feeling overwhelmed?

Put yourself in your sister-in-law's place. Imagine preparing for a newborn and doing so with several car seats, changing tables, carriers and years' worth of clothes, toys and "large entertainers" on your hands - along with the abundant responsibility you now place on them to be proportionately appreciative.

No one should push you for a specific sort of gift for this new baby, but it would be nice of you to give what you normally give to your nieces and nephews.