Ask Amy: Ex's acts grounds for full custody

DEAR AMY: My ex-wife and I share responsibilities for raising our two children, 7 and 8, although I provide all the income. My ex regularly entertains her boyfriends while the children are there. I've requested numerous times for her to call so I can get them. Why should my kids deal with the emotional problems when she has a breakup with one of her boyfriends? In one situation, the boyfriend had children of his own, and for a few weeks they all paraded around like the Brady Bunch until the relationship went sour. When it did, my ex told our kids that the other kids went out of town. What are your thoughts?Bob

DEAR BOB: I hate to burst your nice ex-relationship bubble, but your ex-wife's behavior and choices are atrocious, and you should do more than provide the structure for her to be a better parent and suggest repeatedly that she show better judgment.

You are correct that introducing various boyfriends into the kids' lives is confusing and chaotic at a time when both parents should be working extra hard to make their lives stable.

As to her lying about a relationship, she'll see how that will turn out when the children are teenagers and lying to her about their own relationships.

Check with your lawyer and revisit your custody agreement. You are the more responsible parent, and the children might do better living with you full- time, with visitations with their mother.

DEAR AMY: Mrs. Smith and I were married for 15 years. Both of us remarried. She is now Mrs. Jones. Our son is now an adult and has a girlfriend who sends out chatty emails in which she refers to me as "Father Smith" and my ex as "Mother Jones." Then she refers to my ex's current husband as "Father Jones" and my wife by "Mary." Giving my ex's husband the honorific of "father" while not giving the title of "mother" to my wife is a slap in the face. I think I should send my son's girlfriend a note and say, "You know, calling one stepparent 'Father Jones' and the other stepparent 'Mary' is a bit unbalanced. How about we drop the honorifics?" What do you think?Mr. Smith

DEAR MR. SMITH: If I were "Mary," I'd be relieved not to be referred to like a character from a Rodgers and Hammerstein musical. You need to find out from Mary if this really bothers her -- or if it only bothers you. If she doesn't mind it, do nothing.

This girlfriend sounds like a sweetie. You can't ask her to change the way she addresses your ex and her husband, but you could convey, "You are sweet to refer to me as 'Father Smith,' but how about you call Mary and me by our first names? We'd prefer that."