Ask Amy: Her husband eats like a pig

DEAR AMY: I'm married to an intelligent, educated professional man. We've been married more than 20 years, and things are basically solid and good. My problem is that he eats like a pig at the trough, and it repulses me. He chews and talks with his mouth full, smacks his food loudly and shovels the food in.

I can hardly stand to eat with him. His eating is much more controlled around friends or family, but he's always really loud. I don't demean him, but I do occasionally ask him to chew with his mouth closed. I suspect he has sinus issues, and I've suggested he go to the doctor about it, but he hasn't.

His table manners are so repulsive to me that it carries over into other aspects of our life.

I love him and he's a good man.

Do I just need to accept this, or is there anything I can do? Eating with him has become a disgusting event that I dread.

RepulsedDEAR REPULSED: Readers who know my personal story know that after many years of singlehood, I married about 18 months ago.

And so my answer, while genuine, may seem naive.

But isn't the beauty of being married for 20 years that you and your husband become more - and not less - intimate? That you are able to tell each other about the things you each do that make your life together a momentary hell, but which are correctable with a little effort? I'm not suggesting you say to your husband, "I find you repulsive. Your very presence at the dinner table fills me with rage. Even your spoon disgusts me."

No, you'll say, "Honey - I love you. You are a good man. But I'm having such a hard time with you during meals. You have got to help me out here and eat quietly."

In exchange, you could offer your husband the opportunity to weigh in on a correctable habit you have, which he finds annoying. Confine your session to habits - not waistlines or mothers-in-law - and you should be able to work things out.