Ask Amy: If you suspect abuse, report it

DEAR AMY: A friend who lives in another state is married to a minister, "Bret," who is friends with another minister, "Steve.") Steve is about 60 and unmarried. For at least 10 years he has hosted teenage boys in his home, sometimes as foster children and sometimes as exchange students. With many of these boys, Steve has engaged in sexually inappropriate behavior, which my friend has described to me. One of these children suffered a breakdown. Now Steve is hosting a 16-year-old exchange student with whom he is having a sexual relationship. (The age of consent in this state is 16, and the relationship is apparently consensual.) My friend was very upset about this. I told her that she needed to tell the authorities. It has been several months, and neither she nor her husband has done anything except talk to Steve and try to persuade him to stop. I am tempted to call somebody myself, but I was told this information in confidence, and I have no direct knowledge of any of this. What do you suggest I do?

--Worried

DEAR WORRIED: The knowledge (or belief) that a crime is being committed absolves you of the implicit promise of keeping a confidence. If your friends' account of this activity is true, then their silence makes them complicit.

Regardless of whether "Steve's" current sexual relationship is consensual or legal, it is definitely a gross violation of the rules of every student exchange program I've heard of.

The thought that a minister is standing by while he believes a fellow minister is a sexual predator is appalling.

Because your friend has chosen to discuss this with you, tell them, "I can't stand by any longer knowing this is happening, so I'm going to notify Child Protective Services." As a minister, "Bret" will understand your need to act on your conscience. He should be compassionate toward you and ashamed of himself.