Ask Amy: Keep quiet about sister's kids

DEAR AMY: I am disappointed in the way my sister's family dresses for Sunday Mass. They show little reverence for how one should behave in God's house. Talking and laughing in the sanctuary is rude and impolite. My nephews are usually dressed like they are heading to the beach, and my niece seems unaware that one should cover things that are personal or intimate. I am not a purist by any stretch of the imagination, but I do become dispirited by our unelevated culture. Should I say something to my sister, or should I just accept that these are repugnant signs of our ever-changing "progressive" world?

Disgusted

DEAR DISGUSTED: If you want to damage your relationship with your sister, then by all means -- look upon her children as repugnant. I recommend that you work hard to develop a more tolerant attitude.

If your niece and nephews make a disruptive ruckus at church, then, yes, you should "shush" them. You don't say how old they are, but they must learn that their behavior affects other people, in and out of church.

How these children dress is not within your corrective orbit. Any church I've ever attended is enhanced by the presence of families -- with children. If you become dispirited by their attire, this is an opportunity for you to reach within and search your own spirit.

A visit with your priest might put some of this in perspective. If he said, "I don't care how these kids dress, as long as I see their shining faces at Mass," would that help you? I hope so. If he feels otherwise, he can advise you about how to deal with this in a more positive way.

DEAR AMY: Your advice was spot-on regarding the letter from "Mom," the mother of the fourth-grade girl who reported she had a boyfriend. My stepdaughter announced when she was in third grade that she had six boyfriends! I asked her, "So what does it mean for them to be your boyfriends?" She stated, "They are kind of like my servants. They have to carry my books, sit with me at lunch, bring me presents, and if I want something from their lunch tray, they have to give it to me." I told her that she probably had it just about right, but not to take advantage of them. She is now a teenager. She doesn't have a boyfriend and has no problem discussing her love life with us. It is great to keep those communication lines open. Don't freak out and make a young child afraid to talk to you!

Sarina

DEAR SARINA: The dialogue with your stepdaughter is a great illustration of the advice I gave to this particular "Mom." When you ask an open-ended question and listen, you can learn a great deal, even from a young child. When you create an easy atmosphere at home and demonstrate your ability to react to a situation with humor, the child will pay attention during those moments when your humor fails you.