Ask Amy: Private funeral will keep sis out

DEAR AMY: Later this month, I am facing major surgery, and I realize I might die. My oldest sister and I don't get along. I am not rich enough for her to care about. I have tried to make peace with her to no avail. Now, because my time might be up, I have written what kind of funeral I want. How do I tell her not to come to my funeral? How can I also keep her daughters and sons-in-law away from it?John

DEAR JOHN: If this operation has you pondering your funeral, shouldn't it also be the time to make choices about your life? I won't insult you by urging you to reconcile with your sister, though I do urge you to forgive her.

If you definitely want to refuse entrance to some family members at your funeral, the best way is to note your wishes in writing and give a copy of this to the person you most trust to represent your wishes after your death.

Many people have "private" funerals, which are basically invitation-only events. The people planning this should be aware of your wishes, and they should notify the director of the funeral home or burial site of the guest restriction.

DEAR AMY: Whenever my neighbor's kids play baseball, many balls are hit into my yard. They use aluminum bats and tennis balls. They march right into my yard and retrieve the balls. In the past, this was no problem, but now that they're almost teenagers, I feel invaded and resent it. I want to go over and tell the father that I'm fed up and I want his kids to knock it off. My wife thinks I'm being a grumpy old man. Should I confront my neighbor and request that his kids no longer play baseball? I thought that keeping some of the balls might send a message, but it seems they need some parental supervision.Grumpy Old Man

DEAR GRUMPY: If these kids are almost teenagers, they will not be receiving parental supervision.

You should go with the "Grumpy Old Man" thing. Tell the kids directly that you're tired of seeing them in your yard all the time, and tell their father it's time to either install a net or to reorient centerfield toward their house instead of yours.

Be honest and say, "Frankly, this is starting to drive me crazy." If your neighbors don't understand your reasoning, they're not trying hard enough, though it might take some time for them to adjust.

Playing whiffle ball would eliminate this problem.