Ask Amy: Rivalry with cousin over wedding date

DEAR AMY: My cousin and I got engaged on the same day. I've been with my boyfriend for 18 months. She's been with hers for only 11 months. She booked the church before she even got her ring. After a lot of thought, I came up with a date that means a lot to my fiance and me. The problem is, it's two weeks before my cousin's wedding. My mother was onboard for my day until a couple of days ago, and now we aren't speaking. She says it's too stressful for the family to have two large weddings two weeks apart. My friends say you only have your day once (hopefully) and you need to do what makes you happy. What do you think?

--Baffled Bride

DEAR BAFFLED: You are positioning yourself for a full-out version of "Bride Wars." One of you needs to grow up and realize that a marriage is not about a wedding and a wedding is not about a rivalry.

Because you (and not your cousin) wrote to me, I vote for you to be the adult here and make a wedding plan that is reasonable and respectful of the many family members you no doubt will expect to attend your nuptials.

Planning your own big wedding to fall two weeks before your cousin's, when her plans were already in place, is petty and just a little hostile.

I don't blame your mother for being vexed.

Change your wedding date and enjoy your engagement.

DEAR AMY: I have a 3-month-old boy, and I recently received baby gifts from a family member. The problem is in the midst of sending out Christmas cards, I can't remember if I mailed this person a thank-you note. Which is worse - sending two thank-you notes for the same gift or not sending a thank-you note at all?

-- Unsure

DEAR UNSURE: Ask yourself which is better: being forgetful and effusive, or being rude and neglectful. Act accordingly.