Ask Amy: She's married but no longer in love
DEAR AMY: I have been married for 17 years and we have two great kids, ages 9 and 11. I fell out of love with my husband several years ago. I have not told him this because I don't want to hurt him, and I don't feel right about ending the marriage right now because it would hurt the kids. Every day I have an ache inside because I know I'm not happy. I would be willing to try counseling, but we actually get along fairly well. I'm torn between sparing my family and my sadness that I'm not living an authentic life. Is there a solution?
Secretly Unhappy
DEAR UNHAPPY: I venture that your feelings of dissatisfaction are common. Your desire to live a life you see as "authentic" is laudable. So is your concern about how your choices will affect your family.
But aside from leaving, you don't seem to have a goal in sight. Therapy may not bring you back in love, but talking with a compassionate therapist would definitely help you explore the terrain of your life and map out your future.
DEAR AMY:
My wife and I were married in 1968, divorced in 1972 and lived apart for six months before getting back together. We remarried in 1978 and have been happy ever since. My wife has always wanted to celebrate the 1968 anniversary, but I have two sisters who take issue, saying we've been married 31 years instead of 41. I know I can't change my sisters' attitude, and I refuse to go against my wife's wishes. Is there a resolution to this situation?
Troubled in Vancouver
DEAR TROUBLED: The resolution to this problem lies in your ability to remember to whom you are married.
Your relationship with your wife is the one you are celebrating. Your sisters' views on how to count the years are immaterial. Ignore them.
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