Ask Amy: Years after divorce, ex still won't move out

DEAR AMY: When my husband and I divorced more than two years ago, I gave him nine months to move out of my house. He's still here. He claims he has no money. He gambled it all away in the stock market. My ex-husband is rude. He belittles me and trashes me. He is manic-depressive. He wakes me at 3 a.m. to berate me. He pays very little in living expenses. I tell him daily to move out. This morning he informed me he would be applying for a prescription to smoke medical marijuana, which I'm 100 percent against. Oddly, I feel guilty about getting a legal order to remove him. I worry he will be homeless. I have been to three therapists about this. Any suggestions on how I can shake this guilt and just get him out? My friends and family think I am crazy. I feel isolated. There is no one left to discuss this issue with.Feeling Helpless

DEAR HELPLESS: You don't need another therapist. You need the sheriff.

But you've learned a valuable lesson. Therapy doesn't work unless you want it to.

Your husband is an abuser, and he won't stop as long as he has access to you. Part of this abuse cycle is the crushing guilt you feel.

Obviously, you could marshal your legal resources to get this person out of your home, but you won't do so. It might help to break the cycle if you leave - temporarily.

Sever all contact long enough to get yourself together and confront the challenge of what you need to do. Find your strongest advocate - either a professional, friend or family member - and let this person assist you and keep you strong.

It would help if you could picture yourself in five years, supporting this carbuncle while he berates you and blows pot smoke in your face.

Is this what you want?

A counselor at the National Domestic Violence Hotline could connect you with local victim services. The Web site is ndvh.org or call 800-799-7233.