Ask the expert: Dividing estate unequally

My four children are in their 50s. Should I divide my estate equally among them, as I always planned? Or should I leave more to the one who lives with me and earns too little to live on her own?

Legally, you can do whatever you wish. It sounds as if your real question is how to provide more for the child whose financial need is greater without leaving the others feeling you loved them less. The last thing you want is to create an emotional rift among your kids!

Tell your children what you've done and explain why, says John J. Barnosky, a Uniondale estate attorney. "A moneyed child who only learns after a parent's death that he was left less than his siblings is always very upset," notes Barnosky. "He doesn't care about the money. He wants to know that he was loved."

Of course, this conversation is easier in a loving family than in an acrimonious one. "You have to know your kids," says Gregg Weiss, a New York estate lawyer. "If they all get along, and it's obvious this daughter needs more, I would tell them now." If not, write them a letter to be opened after your death.

It's a good idea to put a "no contest" clause in your will, adds Weiss. This says that anyone who unsuccessfully challenges the will gets nothing. It can prevent disgruntled heirs from threatening to contest a will merely to force a settlement. You might also consider making the neediest child a joint owner or named beneficiary on one of your accounts. That account won't go through probate, so it's much more difficult legacy to challenge.

The bottom line It takes careful planning and good communication to divide your estate unequally without dividing your family.

Websites with more information
Click here  to read an article on the subject in the American Bar Association newsletter.  Click here to read a piece on the Fidelity Investments website.