Bandmate is two-timing her

DEAR AMY: A year ago I fell for a guy who asked me to be a guitarist in his band. He led me on and kissed me. Two weeks later I found out he had a girlfriend. Months later I decided I'd had enough and told him to choose me over her. He didn't. I was angry. Our affair ended. Six months passed and I dated many guys. I developed a better sense of justice and self-worth. My friend and I began talking again; nothing sexual happened at first, but the pattern started to repeat, even though he was still with the same girlfriend. It was great until he leaned in to kiss me. I told him I was torn. I realize there's co-dependency with the girlfriend he's been dating for four-and-a-half years, but I want a chance with him.

We're both confident individuals. We share the same fears, issues, desires, goals and needs (emotionally and physically). We trust each other, but he's stuck to this rude, manipulative brat of a girlfriend. Every time I try to move on, he leads me to think I have a chance with him. He's not the type to cheat but for some reason he thinks I'm an exception to that rule.I'm smart enough to know it's more than lust. I'd be OK with "just friends" as long as he treated me that way. Any advice?

--Guitar Heroine

DEAR HEROINE: You say this guy isn't the "type to cheat," and yet he is exactly the type. The "type" of person who cheats is simply the person who cheats. There is no "type." You describe yourself as self-actualized, confident and independent -- and yet you are essentially begging this guy to choose you, and he is deciding not to. Do you see yourself as the "type" of person who settles for this? If you like being a booty call, then keep doing what you're doing. But do so with your eyes open, knowing that you are making a choice to be with someone who doesn't like you enough to be with you all the time. If you don't like this arrangement, then you need to play with a different band.