Being an 'almost wife' is mostly a disaster

DEAR AMY: I recently moved across the country to be with my longtime guy, "Chad." It meant my ex-husband and two children moved to this area to accommodate my relationship.

My ex-husband has purchased a house in an expensive suburb, and the children are attempting to adapt to the new school. We all agreed that my ex-husband would not pay child support when the move was on the table. I am not yet working, although I am actively hunting. Chad insists that it is not his job to pay for any activities for my children, ages 7 and 10. He is uncomfortable dining out with them, as he says, "we aren't a family." He is in the top 1 percent of American wage earners. He calls me his "almost wife," and I gather that means we share all the intimacy and none of the financial responsibility. My small nest egg from the untimely sale of our home is shrinking because I have been buying most of the groceries. Chad's adult children (whom I have not met after a five-year relationship) are highly resentful of our relationship. Chad told me yesterday that his son never visits his home because of me. Oddly, I ran a highly successful business before this move, and my recent missteps have left me in a tailspin. I am open to leaving the boyfriend, but please offer some input.The Almost Wife

DEAR ALMOST: You made a very drastic move to be with someone who doesn't consider you and your children family members, and he obviously has no intention of supporting you, other than offering you housing (I gather your children live with their dad).

You are responsible for your own choices, and I'd suggest you do what is necessary to start to manage your life in a way that doesn't create further disruption to your children.

"Chad" doesn't seem like the sort who will step up to the plate. Referring to you as his "almost wife" is insulting, especially because he doesn't seem eager to change your status.